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female
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*chatzie22
writes: Dear Cupid,I am 22; my on/ off again boyfriend is 26. We have been together for 2 years and we really care about each other, but keep breaking up and getting back together. The problems really started about a year ago when we broke up for the first time. He told me that he loves me but isn't in love with me. At the time he had no intention of getting back together with me or that's what he said at least - he said that I should move on. I did and it was too fast for his liking and that is the major issue right now. He ended up begging me to come back to him and I did, but now he is saying that even though we weren't together and I had sex with someone else he can't forget about it. It drives him crazy--he has dreams about it and said that he has no idea what he sees in the future. He says that if he can forget about it than maybe but right now it's just really hard for him to deal with--it has been a year since it happened. He says that he may never get over it. Any suggestions?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2005): I feel like there is much more to this story than what you are telling us here. How many times have you two broken up and gotten back together? Why did you go back to him? How long was it before you moved on? Did he ever move on?
It’s hard for me to understand how serious the relationship really was when it seems as though there was not much remorse over the first break-up. I can’t imagine being in love (or caring very deeply for someone) for a year of my life and upon breaking up, not spend months crying over it. If it was so easy to move on in the first place, maybe he wasn’t what you were really looking for. So why did you go back?
Try to imagine the situation in reverse here. You’re in a relationship with a wonderful person. Things are great in all aspects, including physical. Somewhere between when you first started seeing each other and now, that person had an affair with someone else. Imagine how inadequate that would make you feel. Think about how inferior you would feel knowing that you spent so much time with someone and in even less time they are in someone else’s bed.
How would you feel? How would you stop those images from haunting your dreams?
It’s really disappointing how we abuse sex so much these days. It’s meant to be shared with someone you truly love and care about and we pass it around like ice cream on a hot day. Whether or not the boyfriend in question or the love affair guy fit into that category doesn’t really matter, just something you should really think about.
Suggestions: get to know yourself. A person should really be attuned to themselves before getting involved with another person and you definitely don’t need someone else to make yourself happy. Find a hobby that you can enjoy. Spend some down time thinking and reflecting on events going on in your life. Find happiness in yourself and the right man for you will appear in your life when you are least expecting it. Great people are attracted to other people that radiate with true happiness and confidence.
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female
reader, Delila +, writes (4 September 2005):
This guy is doin' the mess around, and it's you he's messin'with. Wake up and smell the coffe girl or should I say wake up and smell the baby powder, this guy is so insecure that he needs a baby sitter not a girlfriend. Get yourself a real man!
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female
reader, ***lisa*** +, writes (2 September 2005):
he needs to either forgive and forget or you both need to have a serious chat as to whether you can both live like this,lifes to short!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2005): Don't stay with him as there's no point of staying in a relationship where you keep on breaking up and then getting back together again. Also, if he can't drop the fact that you had sex with someone when you broke up then there's definately no point of being with him. Find someone that you won't keep on breaking up with and then getting back together because there's no point of it.
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female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (2 September 2005):
 Sweetie, last time I checked ...humans did not have strings...you ain't no fiddle for him to be playing your booty! Girl drop him like a hot patatoe. Who the hell does he think he is...what you were supposed to do.. wait and pine away hoping to the mystical monkey powers that he come back and keep yourself all virginal while he has fun. Look kiddo..he is one immature nut case and I suggest you send him back to the looney bin. Since when single people can't have sex because their ex boyfriend has a case of " I can 't make my mind up" syndrome...oh please...move along honey move along!
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reader, pops +, writes (1 September 2005):
Drop him like a bad case of flu. He is not mature, and he doesn't indicate any likelihood of growing up soon. You were not married to the guy when you saw the other man and had your affair, and you owe him no apology, or explanation. He is totally out of line in demanding fidelity after what he told you and after your relationship broke up at his insistance. Find someone who will appreciate you. There is no reason for you to live another day feeling guilt or shame for trying to get on with your life.
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