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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been with my partner for ages and we have a family together! Generally I have been very happy with him and I love him very much, apart from his lies. He lies a lot about small things. It never bothered me at first but now every lie hurts! I feel very worn out. To him it’s not a big deal and I have tried talking to him about it and I have tried the same by telling him a small lie (nothing big or hurtful) then a few days later admitting I was lying to show him how it feels. I’ve tried not to think about it and I’ve tried talking to friends. Nothing has worked! Since the beginning he has lied about his past relationships and so on. I never wanted to know about his past but a friend told me about him. Let’s just say I can see why he wanted to keep it a secret, but he still lies now and it hurts because I feel if he can’t tell me the truth why are we together? I’ve given him every opportunity to tell me the truth and he doesn’t, now I don’t talk to him about my feelings as he doesn’t take them into consideration anymore. I thought it was just me and I am a difficult person to talk to, but all my friends say I’m the easiest person to talk to ever! My partner works very hard I stay at home and mind our children and I used to miss him every second of the day, now I don’t. I know he loves me very much but I can’t help but feel hurt. He has never cheated on me but kept it a secret that he was texting a girl from work I am not a jealous person, but that hurt me so much. in my opinion if you love somebody and want to be with them forever nobody else should interest you. I wasn’t ready to settle down as I am only 20 but he was and before I realised it I was engaged to be married with a child on the way! Before we got together I was a very independent person and knew what I wanted and didn’t want I had goals, now I just take each day as it comes. I don’t feel happy at this moment in time but I don’t want to be with anybody else apart from him. I really do love him and I know he loves me more. What can I do? Thank you for any advice x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2005): If he keeps on lying to you then how could you trust him? I think that there's no point of being with anyone if you can't trust them so split up with him and move on. It's better to be out of an untrustworthy relationship rather than be in one and end up finding out that you can't believe anything that he says.
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reader, pops +, writes (1 September 2005):
You have learned the first lesson about liars. They are very self centered and selfish people. They don't make good partners, because the only person that means anything to them is themselves. Everyone else, including family are a distant second place. Its his problem, and you have tried to live with it long enough. End this relationship as soon as you can, and move on in your life. Its not good for your children to be raised in a home where one of their parents is a chronic liar. That is just that more love they are missing, and they are learning to distrust adults, which is likely to make them self centered and selfish, just like their father. And, his successes at lying teaches them its okay to lie, too. And, the fact that you live with him, even when he lies, teaches tham its okay to disrespect you, too. By the time they are 10-12 years old, they will be lying to you big time, and out of control. Do yourself, and the children a big service and separate from this guy. By doing so, you will teach your children the value of respect for others, and why it is that we don't tolerate liars, and lying. Its a most important lesson for them to learn by example. Be that example for them. They will thank you for it when they have their children to raise.
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