A
female
age
30-35,
*lemuse
writes:My boyfriend asked me to get breast implants early in our relationship, and it tore me apart because I thought he already liked the way I looked. Why get together with someone if you're going to ask them to change?All of my boyfriends in the past had been proud of my appearance from the start, so emotionally I was unprepared to handle this.So I told him I wasn't interested, and then he quickly withdrew from the question. It has stuck with me, though, and has caused me to feel very insecure along the way.I used to have to work a lot and he'd masturbate while I was at work and then wouldn't feel like having sex with me when I got home. Later I found out nearly every piece of pornography he was into had to do with women with large breasts. That made me feel like I was inferior to someone else because he chose that over having sex with me... I explained this to him and he promised it wouldn't happen any more.One day he left his computer on and asked me to turn it of, lo and behold porn of the same thing everywhere, and basically he had been lying to me about it for three months. I don't understand him, because he says he loves the way I look and wants to marry me, and yet his tastes in women aren't reflective of that at all.I wish I had a boyfriend that didn't want me to change, and I often dream about meeting someone who likes me for what I am again.This aside my boyfriend and I share a lot of fun experiences together so it's not like it would be easy to drop the ball on this relationship. Yet, there's nothing he's been able to say to me that makes me trust him any more on the issue, and I don't trust anything he says about being attracted to me anymore. From past experience, I know I have extreme difficulty letting go of things if I do at all. He's a nice enough guy, and fun to be with often but I'm not sure if there's any way to fix this. It has been over a month since this incident and I still don't trust what he says.It's not just the boobs that weren't to his liking, but he wants me to change my hair a certain way and change some other minor aspects of my appearance. The boobs affect me a little more since he's willing to put me under the knife.
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at work, boobs, breasts, insecure, porn Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): Theres many things you could do in this situation...
tell him how his asking you to get breast implants has affected you. if he truly loves you he will have to make it up to you and regain your trust. tell him that as well. tell him if he doesnt make up it... say- within a month then your leaving him. be strong. tell him its you or the porn. his decision. be in control- tell him hes hurt you and its up to him to cure this in you if he truly loves you. and no more lying. no more porn behind your back.
if he continues with all his talk of loving you the way you are and getting married while he still looks at porn behind your back and makes you feel bad- stand up for yourself- say if you love me the way i am why do you need porn? why do you lie to me? why did you ask me to get breast implants?
And then if he persists with this stupid, stupid behaviour- why not lower yourself to his level? See how he likes it...
Ask him to get a dick implant
Delete his history of bigbreasted porn and replace it with your own history of big buff guys with 'perfect' pecs, quads, buns etc. And then leave the computer on for him to turn off...
Or an even BETTER idea: leave him and find someone worth it ;)
There are really a whole lot of awesome, cool, non-shallow, non-stupid, non-pathetic guys out there who really know how to love a woman. So keep the faith! You're only 18-21 after all... breaking up will be tough- but you have your whole life ahead to keep fishing in the great sea out there! Lol Goodluck! ;)
A
female
reader, wiz8mom +, writes (30 November 2008):
1) Some people say porn is harmless others say the opposite. It really depends on the people involved. In your case, his viewing of porn is harmful because it is replacing what should be an intimate relationship with you. 2) Even though he says he loves you, he can't fully accept you the way you are. He loves you, he loves big boobs, he wants you with big boobs. Well, he can't have both so he's splitting up the relationship. You provide the love, the laughs, the affection and good times, and the porn provides the sex.Not good.You said, "This aside my boyfriend and I share a lot of fun experiences together so it's not like it would be easy to drop the ball on this relationship. Yet, there's nothing he's been able to say to me that makes me trust him any more on the issue, and I don't trust anything he says about being attracted to me anymore."A solid relationship needs trust. If you don't feel you can trust him, then you need to find someone you can. Actually, it should be easy to drop the ball on this relationship - you're not married yet and you don't have kids together. There are other men out there who you can share a lot of fun experiences with, AND they won't ask you to get breast implants or obsess with other women's boobs. In fact, they'll love YOU and your boobs just the way they are. It really does happen.You answered your own fears when you said: "I wish I had a boyfriend that didn't want me to change, and I often dream about meeting someone who likes me for what I am again." Who doesn't want that? There's nothing wrong with feeling the way you do. Now stop wasting your time, and stop wasting your BF's time - neither of you are with the right person.Regarding Herc's answer: I have a feeling that this young lady, regardless of her preference for penis size or liasons with dildos, would ask someone she loved to get a penis enlargement. Though I do agree with the last two sentences of Herc's reply.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2008): Don't listen to the people here who tell you what to feel about porn - listen to what your heart says. If you're really ok with it, fine. If you're not ok, you have the right to your feelings. It's a little disappointing that some of the men are so insensitive about this. Not every man looks at porn.
Your boyfriend? Get rid- you won't be missing much.
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A
male
reader, Butterman +, writes (7 October 2008):
I will just tell you this: It sounds like you may be with an immature man that simply doesn't know what true love is. Because if he TRULY loved you, he'd be turned on if you only had one breast, regardless of its size.
Your boyfriend also sounds like a porn addict and a possible deviant that wants to turn you into someone that will help him feed his unusual and UNHEALTHY sexual appetite.
Speaking from experience, I would ask your boyfriend to seek counseling. If he refuses, take the appropriate steps to get out of the relationship..
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (7 October 2008):
 Fake breasts are just plain ugly!!! Real breasts are beautiful no matter what size they are. Even Katie Price AKA Jordan has had her implants taken out.
I think you should have a talk with him, as to why he likes fake tits. If he insists that you should go ahead with this operation, then I should think you should rethink to see if this relationship is worth it.
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A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (7 October 2008):
 "First off, don't worry about the porn. Just don't. Virtually all guys look at porn, and masturbate, and think about girls other than you. It doesn't mean they don't love you. It doesn't mean they're going to cheat on you. It's a harmless way to live vicariously and we all do it, single or not."
Blah, blah, blah, blah- not true. Don't listen to this.
His porn use obviously reflects his tastes- he ASKED YOU to get BREAST IMPLANTS. This is not some abstract fantasy, but a REQUIREMENT for this guy. Beyond being just fucking pathetic, this is incredibly offensive and does not bode well for your relationship. He lies, he tries to control you, he's not in love with you, he views you as a project. He's probably hoping to eventually talk you into changing the way you look so that he can bring his fantasy girl to life. Perhaps over the years he'll beat down your self esteem enough that you feel like you need fake tits to be happy.
All in all, it's an unhealthy situation and I don't think he's going to change anything about his behavior. Either accept him or dump him- (I'd advise dumping him) MILLIONS of men PREFER real breasts- small breasts, even- to fake, huge ones. You'll have no problem finding a man who appreciates your beauty for what it is. This guy is not a catch. He's a loser and very controlling. Not good.
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A
male
reader, herc +, writes (7 October 2008):
First off, don't worry about the porn. Just don't. Virtually all guys look at porn, and masturbate, and think about girls other than you. It doesn't mean they don't love you. It doesn't mean they're going to cheat on you. It's a harmless way to live vicariously and we all do it, single or not. Consider for a moment that he had a small penis and you wanted to indulge in the use of a huge dildo now and then. Would you love him any less? Wouldn't you be happier if he wasn't worried about your silly piece of rubber in your bedside drawer?
He probably did stop with the porn for a time after you asked him but he went back to it after a while. Your best option is to get over the porn. Your second best option is to ask him to be a little more discreet about it and if you happen to find it again in the future, try to ignore it.
It's your choice to get implants or not. If you don't want them, you shouldn't get them. If he really loves you, it's unlikely he's going to leave you over this one physical issues(and obviously, if he does, he wasn't worth it in the first place). But was this a big deal or a stupid comment that he made in passing? Maybe you are making a mountain out of a molehill. My bet is that he's smart enough to realize you're great in a lot of other ways and not having his idea of perfect boobs is a small trade off.
Changing your hair shouldn't be a big deal. Girls tell guys how to dress or cut their hair all the time. I love when my girlfriend changes her hair. It's like doing it with a different girl!
Of course, if he's a crazy bastard control freak who wants to change everything about you and would rather jerk-off than be with you, you should probably run away.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 October 2008):
 He doesn't need a dick implant he's a big enough dick as it is, tell him you like man tits and you guys should go for a group rate. Seriously if he doesn't change his behavior for you why should you change a thing for him? Get rid, I think in the long run you'll be happier.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2008): Control freak.
Tell him to get a dick implant and you'll get the breast implants.
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