A
female
age
41-50,
*ae
writes:I have been dating this guy for almost 4 weeks now... things are going really well. Last night I went to a barbecue. When I talked to the special guy today and he asked me how the barbecue was... I said it was fun, told him a few highlights, explained that I may have had a couple too many beverages... but all in all a good time. After my brief story, he said, "did you get some d*ck?"I replied, "huh?" and continued on with our conversation.Why would he say that? Do you think he was just being funny? Do you think this is a stupid way for him to try to figure out if I am dating other people?**FYI - he is 26 - just in case his age (or maturity) might be relevant. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Your friend  +, writes (14 June 2009):
 It doesn't matter why you think he may have said it a person who respects and cares for you even after only 4 weeks would not have said that. He is not the kind of person you want to be with, there are heaps of decent guys out there who will see how wonderful you are, move in their direction and away from his. You are too valuable a person to waste your time on him.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2009): Well your prospect is not very refined, is he? If you're looking for a man who is more polished look elsewhere. His remark is very indicative of his usual type of base thinking.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2009): You mean "things were going well". He sounded like he was momentary jealous, which in my books means an insecurity issue. Insecurity in a relationship is based on fear. And more often, it's that fear of rejection, rearing it's ugly head. And you know what, that's very human. A lot of people do this, as much as I hate to admit that.
Now, four weeks in to this relationship and you said he's been great until he flubbed up with this boneheaded comment. Man, some people say the dumbest things, huh? Sheesh. So rather than being overly reactive to this...you calmly sit him down and establish some groundrules with this guy that will tell him how uncomfortable that comment really made you feel. Tell him you want a relationship based on honesty, trust and integrity. Not jealousy, clinginess, entitlement and ownership. And that this comment he made to you, had better have been just a 'one time brain fart'type of deal, on his part. When you open up and communicate maturely like this, you are telling him you are a secure person and if he's the right guy for you, he should respect you for being so open. And from that respect, comes the trust, then comes the abiding love that builds, becomes solid and lasts through all the seasons. So after you say this, you tell him..you want an apology. I am betting he will give you that. If he doesn't and he gets defensive, then you have a problem. Jealousies, defensiveness and neediness will always, always cause a relationship to self-destruct. So it's then you will have to reassess if he's the one for you. If he isn't then no biggie, you only invested 4 weeks into him. You strike this up as a learning experience and you move on to better things. Good luck and take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2009): i think he was just trying to be funny, you just have to ignore comments like that, maybe your bf told him that he was going to make love to you soon, who knows. if he was a friend of your bf's then mayb he know that maybe after like 4 weeks he will try to. ask your bf what he thinks.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2009): 1. Oldersister is right, some guys don't mature until they are 30, some never do.
2. I suspect he is jealous and he considered this a test just to see how you reacted. He's concerned you were with some other guy.
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