A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, i have been with my husband for 2 years. About 5 months ago i found out that he had been messaging another girl on a internet forum and had gone as far as to arrange to meet her. He says he would never have actually met her and that he is sorry etc. He also says he loves me and made a mistake and he now realises he can't lose me. But i can't trust him, i want to cause i love him and i have tried to forget it but little things remind me and then we argue! I don't know what to do. Is it possible that he made a mistake and really won't do it again or is it once a cheat always a cheat. Really need some outside advice x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): How did you find I wonder, snooping or did he tell you? Here is a little story for you to think about... I am halfway through my second year of marriage. It has been hard to adjust and I believe that is the case for most, marriage changes things. Anyways I started flirting with others and though it was all innocent it was wrong of me. I met another guy that was lots of fun, I had a lapse in judgment and I gave him my number when he asked. We talked a couple of times on the phone and planned to meet but never did. I am very glad I did not! My husband does not know and I think telling him would hurt him more then anything else at this point, BUT I will not do that again! I love my husband, I don't know what got into me. Sometimes people make mistakes and some people learn from them, like I did. When your faced with losing something that you thought you never could it has the ability to open your eyes to your own dumb ass ways.
A
male
reader, Paladin  +, writes (18 March 2008):
 If you don't let it go things will only get worse. Did he make a mistake, of course but he never actually met her. Who knows what was in his mind at the time, maybe it was just a stupid thing that got out of control but again remember he didn't actually meet her. If you really want this issue to heal you need to leave it alone. What more could you possibly say that you haven't already. You say you can't trust him and if you truly believe that then your relationship is doomed. Its not fair but its all up to you now. You have to let go of something so whats it going to be, him or his indiscretion.
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A
female
reader, Skeez +, writes (17 March 2008):
 He may really regret his mistake, but what i dont understand is was this a mutual meeting? or a proper flirting situation and he met her for sex or what?
If it was for the second one, then....ooo hes been caught out. If you still want to stay with him, it will probably take you time to get over this and get back to adjusting yourself with him. First i think you should talk with him and find out whats making him eager to go searching for other girls on the net. Second of all, depends on the answer he gives you, give him a second chance. If he does it again, you know what to do and just kick him to the curb.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): Sorry he got caught. Thats what he sorry about. Dump him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): behaviour bad. reward bad or good? This is your problem. if he gets away with it he is liable to do it again, but just be a bit more careful about getting caught. Its simple if he really loved you he wouldn't even be looking. He undertook a series of calculated logical decisions each time evaluating the risk of getting caught. He messed up big time. You are young enough to start again. My wife cheated within the first year of marriage, i forgave her, then 13 years later she did the same again. Get out now You were unlucky and picked a bad un.
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): Well it seems to me like you need to sit down and have a really long good chat about it. The only person thats going to be able to really reassure you about the whole situation is your husband, so have a long conversation on it. Get him to open up to you about the whole relationship he might have had with this girl. It might hurt to know a few of the details, but honestly honey, you'll feel better in the end, knowing that he's not hiding anything about it from you. Do your best to move on and let it go, because really, he didn't actually go, if thats any consolation.. I know its going to be hard, but life has to move on. Everyone makes mistakes. So get him to talk to you openly about it, and once you're sure you know the whole truth, then you'll find it easier to heal your wounds. Good luck :]
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 March 2008):
 I'd assume that he really means he regrets his mistake and that it will never happen again. Then try to relax about it but keep one eye open. Over time you will know whether he truly learned his lesson.
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