A
female
age
36-40,
*egha731_curious
writes:I am going through a difficult phase of my life and I wanted to seek an expert's advice on my situation. I am in a relationship with a guy from almost 2 years. He is 2 years younger than me ( i am 28 and he is 26). We really like each other and we have had the most awesome time together. I always used to think that my relationship is just perfect. We never argued over minor issues and we had a perfect understanding with each other. Even he used to tell his friends that he is really happy with me. Now, he moved to a different country for work last year and then we used to meet once in 3-4 months ( for 10-15 days). Long distance relationship was difficult for me as i used to miss his company. He made new friends there and his thought process changed. We were planning for marriage next year and our families had also started talking to each other. Everything changed all of a sudden when he told me that he thinks he might cheat on me and that he wants sexual relationships with other women too, even after marriage. He says he wants to be with me but doesnt want to miss the fun life ( sex). I was really really hurt when i heard this because it clearly indicates that he is not fully committed. All those talks about marriage and future plans together were just fake. I have told him clearly that i this kind of arrangement is not acceptable to me. He is probably influenced by his friends there who have messed-up personal lives themselves.Right now, i am feeling just shattered. I am trying to find a job in an another org so that we dont get to see each other ( we work in the same org and had many common friends at workplace). He asked me for 1 week's time to think and decide what he wants. But my point is even if he says he is ready to give-up his sexual desires for me, how can i trust him now. What if he comes up with the same issue later. I have almost made up my mind to break-up with him, but wanted to be sure that i am not over-reacting. Break-up if even more difficult because my family is also involved here. I had argued with them multiple times to convince them that he is the right guy for me, and now this is going to hurt them as well. They were really worried for my marriage and wanted me to meet other guys as well before deciding on him. He was the closest person to me on this earth and all of a sudden he appears like a stranger. It is difficult for me to imagine a life without him but i want to spend my life with someone who values emotions more than sex. He appears to be immature and emotionally vulnerable. Please help me !!!
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female
reader, Penny04  +, writes (28 August 2012):
Talk it out with him. Fickle minded people tend to change with company. He is being too immature. But ask yourself, can you trust such a fickle-minded guy ever? If this is the first time he is acting weird under someone's influence, you can talk it out with him but if he is not ready to act sensible, move on to someone who knows what commitment means. A breakup is much better than an ugly divorce.
A
female
reader, agonyauntsanonymous  +, writes (28 August 2012):
I agree with you one hundred percent. If he is not ready to give up sex with other women he is not ready to commit. While sex does play into the relationship and is important to a relationship there is more to a relationship than just sex. Love, trust, and communication have to be the most important aspect of a relationship as well as commitment. I really believe that if you arent ready to commit you should not be in any type of committed romantic relationship. A friends with benefits is the only relationship people that do not want to commit should be in if they want a relationship at all. I think you are doing the right thing by leaving because you deserve someone that values you more than sex. Hope that helps and best wishes to you.
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