A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:When my boyfriend arranges to pick me up when we go out he is ALWAYS late. If he says 7.30 then its usually 8.00 o clock. He texts and says 8.00 then he will text at 8.oo and say make it 8.15 or sometimes he just turns up half an hour later and says nothing and I am just sat waiting.This is starting to annoy me as he should turn up on time if he respected me. There is more problems than this with him aswell as we dont see each other much either, so when he does see me you would think he would turn up on time if he wanted to see me that much.Does anyone agree with me? and should i start saying something to him about this?
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female
reader, LizBeth  +, writes (18 March 2011):
The list includes (amongst others) my ex-husband, one of my best friends, my dad and... me.What helped me was counseling. Once I recognized what I was doing I could take steps to change it. It was a matter of figuring out what I was mad about, or what I resented, I could take steps to deal with that. But I will admit that even now when I have something to do that I don't want to, I really push the deadline to the end. Same thing with places that I don't want to go. I will get there at the last moment. Not late, just exactly on time. It's a way to exert control over something that is not my choice. However, I know when these impulses are likely to happen, so I can make an effort to overcome them. This happens less and less often, but it's because I identified the problem (with assistance) and worked on it. Was I able to help the others? No, not really. My dad would never have admitted he had a problem, my bff isn't in any shape to try, and my ex... well, he's my ex, isn't he? Can you help your boyfriend? I don't really know. My opinion, and that's all it is, is that all you can do is NOT accept this behavior. If he's not on time, you don't go out with him. He may break up with you, but it sounds like he may not be healthy enough for a relationship anyway.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo Lizbeth. You said you knew people who had this behaviour. Was any of them who you had a relationship with?
I dont know if I can help him, as I am only 19 and hes 26.
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A
female
reader, LizBeth +, writes (17 March 2011):
I wondered if I would hit a nerve. I've known many people like this, and constantly being late is a big sign.
Please let us know how this works out. Keep in mind that this behavior CAN be overcome, but not until he admits that he has an issue. I don't know if you're the one to help him, so don't feel bad if he won't listen. It's not your fault.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo Lizbeth. When i read your advice I thought I would just read about passive/aggresive behaviour. I have tried to work out this guys behaviour for the last 5 month not just the being late. There is far bigger isssues than this one. When I read it, this is what this guy is like all over. I actually had a few tears as this is how this guy makes me feel and treats me.
Thank you for that sound advice!
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A
male
reader, elkabong +, writes (17 March 2011):
Boys are dumb and don't take hints. Next time he says 8:00, ask him "does that really men 8:30?, because your always late my love"
see what he says
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A
female
reader, LizBeth +, writes (17 March 2011):
Yes, you should say something to him. It is rude and disrespectful. If he means 7:30, then he needs to be there at 7:30, not 8:00. Sometimes, this behavior is passive-aggressive, and you need to watch for that in him. (I'm not saying that he is, just keep your eyes open.)
If this is a constant behavior, ask him if he even knows that he's doing it. It may be something that he doesn't pay attention to. It could be the way that he was brought up, it could be cultural, or it could be that he doesn't thinking being on time is important.
What would happen if you didn't start to get ready until he arrived? He says 7:30, shows up at 8:00 and you've not done your hair or make-up or anything. What would his reaction be? This could tell you a lot.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): Some people are like this and yes it is very frustrating. The only thing I have ever found that works is when they say a certain time, mentally push that time back an hour and then be ready then. It puts them in the waiting position or both on equal time schedule and spares your sanity! If you are setting the time, tell them an hour earlier than what you want.
If they get frustrated and ask why you do this b/c they've had to wait a couple of times, just be honest and let them know the reasons and how it's not a game or anything, just you trying to compromise and be more flexible and less upset.
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