A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I'm 17 and might be going away with my long time boyfriend for the first time.Is it likely that he might be thinking that we're going to have sex for the first time then? We're adventurous but haven't gone "all the way" yet.It'd be in a pretty remote place, where we'll have a whole house to ourselves.Also, if we do go away and don't have sex, how do I deal with the perception people will have that we maybe did have sex?1) Going away together - does it mean sex in his mind?2) How do I deal with perceptions that believe I am sleeping with him?I realise that I need to talk to my boyfriend myself, but I'm hoping for a little bit of preparation before I do.Thanksxxx Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI spoke to my boyfriend... He doesn't want to have sex... He genuinely just wanted to take me away because of all the stress we've both had recently.
He's still the wonderful guy I thought he was.
Thanks for your help
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 March 2011):
 Going away to a house all by yourselves can mean you will have sex, yes. But if you don't want to you are of course allowed to say NO!
If you don't want people to believe you had sex you should not go alone, bring someone else with you that you are with all the time. If you go alone there is nothing you can do to prevent rumours, unless you have a good reputation for being a decent girl who doesn't have sex, and never lie, as well as good friends who back you up.
However, if you are worried about getting a reputation I'd suggest you do not go away to a remote place alone with your boyfriend.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (16 March 2011):
 Without knowing him or the context of your relationship, I can only say that it would hardly be a surprise if he thought that sex was in the cards.
As for dealing with the perceptions of others, you deal with it by not putting yourself in situations with the perception of impropriety. If you go away alone with him you're giving the impression that you're sleeping with him, regardless of whether you do or not.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): If you're not ready to do it, don't. Don't put yourself into a situation (e.g being alone in that house with him) where you could possibly be slightly pressurized into having sex, and it might be something you regret.
If you think that you won't be able to deal with people judging you, you should make sure that they don't have any reason to. Bring along maybe a girlfriend or two, and ask him to bring along 1 or 2 guy friends as well - that way, you guys can be assured that no nasty rumors will be spread (make sure these people are people you can trust, of course, not people who will sabotage your reputation with false stories).
Think carefully, all the best, and have fun on your trip :)
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