A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I got back with my ex for more than half a year after being apart for 1.5 years, and are currently quite stable. The reasons for him breaking up with me then are considered resolved, and we are prepared to make it work this time round.My only issue is, he had another relationship during the time we parted. And apparently they got quite serious and had paid for wedding photoshoots and stuff, but in the end the relationship didn't work out after all, I think partly because I had contacted him on impulse on several occasions (I'm not proud of that, but I suppose it helped in getting him back...) and also the ex's personality (as he explained before).I don't know if I would be considered a "rebound of the rebound". Haha. In any case, most of the time, I am very happy and thankful that we have a second chance, but occasionally, when I'm not feeling too good, I tend to think about that other lady, and what they would have done together. Sometimes it affects me quite a bit, but I don't like to discuss with my boyfriend about it too often, because I don't want to remind him about it, and also because I got to know that his ex was very paranoid when it comes to past exes, and I don't want to become like her. I have researched on tips to stop comparing with his exes, but somehow I think situation is different in this case. Before this I would never have thought of and be paranoid of his past relationships before me. So I guess my question is, what are some tips for me to stop thinking about that particular relationship that disturbs me a bit? To clarify it doesn't affect me most of the time, but when it does I feel lousy for having something of the past affect me when it doesn't affect my boyfriend. Sigh.
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female
reader, firefly23  +, writes (20 August 2013):
There is a saying, "If you truly love something. Let it go. If it comes back, it is meant to be."
I don't know if I believe in all that love quote stuff, but there might be some truth to it. I say, the fact that you two are giving it another chance means you really care about each other more than you may know, which is a good thing! What each of you did while you were apart shouldn't matter now that you are back together. I know it's hard to get such things out of our heads as women, but this coming from a girl who can't trust her own mind, just let it go. You'll both be much happier.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 August 2013):
 A lot of men get married right after a break up. It could be any girl. They do this on an impulse, for the fear of losing the chance and having to start all over again. His ex probably felt he was insincere and that you were always at the back of his mind. Men also marry after backing out the first time to show people that they are not commitment phobic, that women want them.
There is no need to compare when you just look at your relationship for what it is. Does he make you feel good? You had past issues that were resolved but is this going to be a new issue that you will struggle with? Is your boyfriend going to worry about marriage once more, that it's going to be another mistake? Did he get back with you just because he knows you would take him back? Are you with him just to show that you didn't lose to his ex?
The other lady is just a distraction and has little to do with your relationship now. It didn't mean he loved her more, loves you less. At least that lady is thinking with her head more and didn't go ahead with the marriage.
Men marry for various reasons. If they can follow through with the wedding and have stable years afterwards, then it means they love the women. Anything else is just an act, an impulse.
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