A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I started dating my best friend in early September and it was great. He was the sweetest guy I knew, he always wanted to hang out, he was always there when I needed him. That all changed about a month ago. Him and I would get into the biggest fights over nothing till one of us was forced into silence. We just broke up after 11 months of dating and I feel very hurt. Any advice to get my mind off the pain?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2013): Maybe you were better off as just friends, and incompatible in a romantic relationship.
When you breakup with someone, there isn't much you can do to make the pain go away. You have to endure it. Let it run its course. It's a grief process. You just ended a relationship with someone very dear to you. That's going to hurt for a while.
You give yourself some time to let the emotions run through you. Let yourself cry and pour out your feelings. Talk to your mother, your other friends, and keep yourself distracted when you can.
Get busy. Clean your closets, organize your drawers, read a great book. Avoid contact with him for a while, so your mind has the chance to calm down and handle the shock.
No contact is hard, but it speeds up the process of getting over the pain. Talking to him may bring up hard-feelings and start a new argument. It may hurt you, if he is still angry at you. Don't text him or call. What everyone needs now is to cool off.
You need to find other activities to keep you active. You can't just let yourself mope around depressing over the breakup. It will overwhelm you if you let it. You grieve and fight alternately. Take breaks. Take a long walk, find a beach or a large lake, to just stare at the sky and water.
It has a very soothing and cleansing effect.
Write your feelings down on paper. Then do something to make yourself feel good. Go shopping with a girlfriend,
take your dog for a long walk or play. Animals have a built-in soothing effect on human emotions.
If you got so angry that you broke up, you can't say it was nothing. You have to own up to problems, and think them out.
It helps you to find better ways of dealing with them, you learn how to compromise or negotiate. You also learn how to forgive.
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