A
female
age
36-40,
*lapure4
writes:Dear Cupid, I have a strictly platonic friendship with my guy friend that I've known for over a year. We talk on almost a frequent basis and hangout whenever it's convenient, despite our hectic schedules. One thing I admire about our friendship is that we can be totally candid and confide in each other. At times I've hinted that he may like me (other family and friends agree) and I surely feel something for him -- it had never been in our gut to openly admit our feelings until last night. In the midst of conversation, he admitted that I wasn't his type for two reasons: I am too sensitive and second, he wasn't physically attracted to me. Okay...to think that his second statement didn't bother me was an understatement because all along I would've never known that I didn't meet his gaze physically. I am a very beautiful woman with a sense of style, well-groomed and a wonderful personality. The only thing that could be virtually wrong is I am 15 pounds heavier than the average weight for a woman whose 5'4! Also, no man from my past relationships/friendships have ever said that I wasn't attractive in some way so it befuddles me that he could think this. Surely the women he's been attracted to have been far heavier, and voluptuous than me with countless problems under their belt so I don't understand his logic. I can admit that even though I see flaws on my body, I have never been one to suffer from low self-esteem nor taken what most have said to heart. But since I like him, I can't deny that his comments did rattle my ego a bit..should I let his words get to me? Is there any way I change his mind about the way I look?Thanks! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2012): I always considered myself being pretty, but through my life several times I heard comments that someone considered me not just not that pretty BUT UGLY!!
I remember my girlfriend wanted to go on a double date and brought het boyfriends friend, and I overheard the same nite that he told his friend, and this are his exact words: o, come on, man, you know my taste, does she have any more or less pretty friends than this one. I was 18 at the time, the most beatifull I ever been, thin, long legged, long curly hair, flawless skin, big boobs. I loved my body back then a lot, and I couldn't believe my ears of what I ve heard.
Now in my 40s I hear compliments from men on how beatifull I m, and can't help but remember that boy, I remember how I couldn't catch my breath after I overheard him, as I think I was having a panic attack:)
I don't think it matters how pretty you are, if there is No physical attraction, than there is nothing can be done. You can be pretty to hundreds of men, but then there is one who will find you plain looking.
A
male
reader, Discovery +, writes (16 June 2012):
Not being attracted to you doesn't mean you're bad looking in the slightest. You could be absolutely gorgeous. Everyone has different preferences though in what they want to see in a partner - and some of these preferences are more important than others to them, I guess. He could have probably worded it a bit better but I don't think he meant anything bad by it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 June 2012):
 If he is JUST a platonic friend I think it's a good thing he isn't physically attracted to you. It makes friendship so much easier when there isn't any sexual/physical tension.
It doesn't mean you aren't attractive -AT ALL. Just means that he prefer a different personality & body type then yours. Or he said it to make you feel at ease being "just" friends (even though he hurt your feelings, and I guess he is rather clueless as to how you might have taken his explanation).
I kinda agree with "auntie" Liberty - maybe you like him a little more then you thought you did? Or had hopes that this friendship might becomes more?
I think it is 100% understandable that you got a little hurt over what he said, no one wants to feel unattractive. The thing is he didn't call you unattractive, he just said you are not his preferred type.
You can't change who you are and how you look, if he is so shallow that he can't see you for who you are, keep him in the friend-zone and look elsewhere for someone to date.
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