A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex has 3 daughters of his own from a previous relationship. We often discussed a future together, he said he didnt want anymore children being he already had his own, but many times he said he wanted a child from me. One night he even said he wanted to start trying to have a child. I told him we needed to wait as I wanted to go through the marriage and know I was in a stable relationship. We broke up and three months later I found out I'm pregnant, I told him he acted as if he cared and then he bailed out on me.Can anyone help me understand this change?
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female
reader, Another_Kapiti  +, writes (16 November 2009):
 Well, to be honest, the only way you're going to get a straight answer is by asking him, and I think you know this.I can understand your frustration by him 'bailing' on you, how has he bailed on you? Is he ignoring you? Perhaps you could write your feelings down first then talk to him? I know it's hard, but if you make structured points (hard to do with hormones racing round your insides!) you'll be much calmer and more likely to get a positive response.I'm not sure why he's behaving the way he is, I'd expect this more from someone who hadn't had children before, a younger (or more immature) man!How does he treat his current children? Does he see them much? Is he a father in name only? His chopping and changing is obviously frustrating you no end...and you need to resolve this soon. Could you write him a letter perhaps? Let me know when something positive comes out of this or if you have any followups to my advice. AK.
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