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anonymous
writes: I am engaged and I am having second thoughts. I love him with all of my heart but I dont know if he is the one. How do I tell him?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): iam getting married in 20 days.I dont want to now i thought i did now i look at her in a whole differnt way.i lived with her about 7 months.I will sit there and think to myself everyday what am i doing.I will never be happy i dont deserve to be.What started it is that i had alot of money saved she wanted a big wedding so of course iam paying for it. we just bought a new house.we really cant afford the wedding.i guess iam just pissed that she was so selfish to spend all this money that we could of used for something more.Now we are broke i have big IRS bill all my credit cards are maxed out.iam now working two jobs.This really sucks iam really mad at her for this.What should i do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2006): Hello... I want to thank EVERYONE for the advise.
I ended up breaking it off with my Fiance. I decided that he infact, wasn't the one. I look back to all of the kind words that everyone had for me and am so thankfull that I decided to let my feelings out and ask for help.
Thanks Again everyone!
Sincerely,
Not So Confused Any More
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2006): I'm in the same boat, I was absolutely crazy for my fiance at first, but now I find she annoys me. I hope the feelings come back, and this feeling came and went not too long ago, adn I was happy I never broke it off. However, I now feel the same way again, is this right?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2006): I know exactly how u feel. I am getting married in 4 months and I am really starting to think it's a huge mistake... i have no idea what to do! Most peoples responsed are to be honest and just tell him but it's not that easy. I am scared what he will say or do, I am worried about how my parents are going to react (as they are paying for my wedding, basically i hardly sleep, and just feel like crying all the time. I cant really offer you any advice but i do know how u feel as i feel the same way and it sux, i don't think there is any way we can win in this situation i just wish i could go back in time and undo it!
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female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (16 July 2006):
 If you love him then you need to have faith in your relationship. Talk to your fiance about how you feel, he may be able to reassure you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2006): I felt the same as you. kept asking if we were doing the right thing.then 3 months before our wedding he called it off himself. came as a complete shock. 1 month and 3 weeks later i am pining for him, want him back.you wont realise how much you love the other person until you lose them. Is that a risk worth taking?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2005): Im a 21 year old female and have a 4mth old son with my fiance. I moved back to my parents house when i got pregnant and my partner did as well when i was 4 mths. Im having second thoughts about getting married but i dont know if its the postnatal depression, adjusting to having a new baby or the fact we dont yet have a house of our own. Iv also noticed that my partner doesnt help out much, but again i dont know if thats because its my family home. I dont know what to do? Any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2005): I just ended my 2 year relationship with my fiance because i tortured my self with those thoughts at least once a month if not more. You cant predict the future but you can protect your sanity.
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reader, marci +, writes (25 June 2005):
every one has cold feet but if you really love him and you dont feel like he is the one you cant wait till the last minute you just have to tell him. if he loves you he will understand he will i mean WILL be upset but at the end your feelings will be straightened out and maybe he is the one and if he isn't wont it make you feel alot better finding the one instead of loving someone you didnt
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reader, robinlovescena +, writes (25 June 2005):
 I think that you should tell him that you are ready just yet and to wait a couple of years. If he truly loved you, he would understand. He is most likely going to ask you for an explanation, and if he does, then just tell him the truth. Ask yourself..... do you really love this man? and do you want to break things of with him? good luck~Robin~aka advice gurl
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reader, penguin_lover36 +, writes (24 June 2005):
Hello, im 13 years old, but just because im young, doesn't mean i won't give you good advice.I think personally, if your having doubts at this stage, its best to finish it. If you're unhappy now, then you aren't going to get any happier. Sit him down, and tell him straight. He will respect you for telling the truth if he loves you back. But if you don't tell him, your going to be unhappy for a long time.On the other hand, give it a couple more weeks or so, and talk to him more, go out with him more, and perhaps your feelings will change about him.
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reader, communicatrix +, writes (24 June 2005):
 It depends on what you're looking to do by telling him. Are you overwhelmed by your confusion and looking for him to make a decision, lifting the burden from your shoulders? Or are you looking for more time—to stay together until such a time as the answer becomes clear to you?
It's good that you're acknowledging your doubts and not just suppressing them to stick with the program. But I'd be very careful about how you acknowledge your doubts to your fiancé and very, very clear on what it is you're looking for when you tell him of your confusion.
Then, when are clear about what it is you want to do, tell him simply and honestly and with as much kindness as possible. Either ask for more time together or end it gently but firmly with no equivocating. But if you do ask for more time, be prepared for him to reject the notion, and respect his feelings and his decision on the matter.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2005): Hi there, I believe this may be the first time that you are engaged, which may explain a big part of the confusion within, what I recommend first, is you must be 100% sure that you are feeling this way, once that, it's for him to know the truth, you have taken a big step in life and sometimes this steps are taken by surprice and at that moment you most probably said yes for being happy but not for true feelings, What I would do is being sure of my feelings , tell your self what you want and once you have that in mind speak with him, it's the truth and this needs to be done sooner than later.I wish you all the very best for you and him.Matt,20
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2005): If you are having uncertainties about marrying this man...then tell him. Be honest and straightforward with him and give him the respect of knowing how you feel. Marriage is an incredibly huge step...not one to be taken lightly. Could this be why you are getting a bit apprehensive? Basically, you are not ready for that type of committment. But pleeease, tell him now! Maybe the both of you need to just go slow and wait until you get to the point where you know for sure...that he is the one for you. On the flip side, if you are absolutely, without a doubt, certain..he isn't the one for you...then you have to respect him, be fair to him, be honest with him...let him go. He deserves to find find someone who wants to commit only to him. Good luck with whatever you decide to do
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reader, xox?xox +, writes (24 June 2005):
you must tell him this now or else it will become increasingly harder the longer you keep it underwraps.just sit him down and ask him how he feels about the engagemnet and the future, then bring in how you feel, but make sure to let him know how much you do love him! and that you don't want your relasionship to end!hopefully you two can make your relationship work around this, and if need be call off the engagment. i am sure your boyfriend will be understanding and will support you.ps... have you ever felt about anyone else the way you feel about him? because if you havent, then he may well be the one!
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reader, Angel-lee +, writes (24 June 2005):
Tell him exactly what you just wrote. Apart from the bit where its said you dont think he is the one. Tell him, even though you love him you are not ready to get married and that you have both got so much time together before you make that committment. Marriage these days isnt as common as it used to be, as long as you are both happy, love each other and trust each other. Why should you need to get married until you are both ready? Tell him you think it is not the right time and give him time to understand you.He will come around to your way of thinking, and then you can both get married when you both feel ready. Remember, there should be no second thoughts when you decide to get married. Its a big thing.
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