A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Long story short, my boyfriend's "ex girlfriend" (he calls her "friends with benefits but with emotional attachment" aka girlfriend but he refuses to call her that) of three years is just really an unattractive person physically and personality wise (I know her relatively well so I am able to make this claim). I am just really confused, sad, and I guess just upset that she was his first in EVERYTHING.Normally I am very confident in my appearance and personality but when I think that he was actually attracted to her I just feel like she and I are on the same level which I can't accept. I know I am sounding very bitchy and vain but my pride is something I cherish, and I just have a very hard time dealing with his past with her. I don't want to break up, but I can only take so much disappointment.
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (1 October 2010):
 Well this is quite odd! Most girls are always over the moon to know their boyfriend's ex's are less attractive than them, if it was the other way round and the ex was stunning girls are normally super jealous and continually worried that their boyfriend will go back to the gorgeous ex!
Think of it this way - he cant call her a girlfriend, have you ever thought why? Maybe it is because he was not really that attracted to her and was just using her for sex, and would not have been happy introducing her to friends and family as his "girlfriend" because he did not like her enough to give her that title? You say you are upset because she was his first for everything - but she was not his first real girlfriend was she? YOU are his first in that sense, and that is something you should be chuffed with!
Look, the past is the past and what is important is the present, and the future. Can you not just accept that maybe your boyfriend thinks he is the luckiest guy in the world for getting someone as attractive as you compared to his ex? Everyone likes to take a step up from their previous partners, you never want to go backwards so just think of yourself as a big step up from his ex! I look back at my ex's and some of them I think, god what was I thinking! They are not attractive or nice people (some of them) but now I am with a guy who is attractive and a great person, and I just think that I am lucky to have landed a great guy. I would never compare him to my ex's, he is much better than them in all respects and yes while I was attracted to my ex's at the time, when you look back you realise how wrong they were for you.
You really are worrying over nothing here and making a big deal over something that is not even relevant. You have a lovely boyfriend who you are happy with, his ex does not matter.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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