A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I ended things with my long distance boyfriend of 1 year, a month ago. The distance was hard, we were fighting a lot the last 2 months, and I figured it was best to end it.We haven't spoken since, as I decided no contact is best for me to heal, he did contact me once but I never responded.3 weeks after we broke up, he got a new girlfriend. I feel really sick about this.I was doing surprisingly well, until I found this out. Now I find myself thinking, "wait, are we soul mates? should i contact him? did i make a huge mistake and let go of 'the one'?" I keep feeling the urge to e-mail him, just to talk to him, to see if he still cares, to see if we'll ever have a future.I haven't e-mailed him though, and I'm REALLY trying not to. I KNOW I'll look desperate, because he has a new girlfriend, and I'm the one that broke it off anyway. I really think the break-up was the right choice. But, I think because I'm extremely lonely, and so hurt that he got over me so quickly..I'm second guessing myself.So, what do you think? I keep replaying the good times we had together, and thinking about how we really did click so well, and it was honestly the best relationship I'd ever had, before it went sour. We did fight, but we just clicked, like 2 ppl that were meant to be. The main reason I ended it was because the love just felt like it was dying? On both sides, and I assume it definitely was for him..because he got a new gf.So, I'm just wondering..should I contact him? Or should I just never contact him..ever again? I feel stupid for wanting to know if he misses me, or if we'll ever get back together..but I do want to know. I really just need some opinions. It's been a month, and I'm feeling so alone, and so depressed. Please, any help. Btw, I'm 19, and he's 22.
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female
reader, Velvet +, writes (10 August 2010):
You had the opportunity to get back together with him and you blew it.
I had the same thing happened to me but the reverse. My boyfriend broke up with me and I wanted to get back together but he kept cutting me off. So what did I do, I went out and found someone else. As soon as I did and he found out, he wanted me back.
I left the guy and went back to my ex boyfriend but this time, he knew that if he broke up with me again it was over for good. Right now we are engaged to be married (this coming September).
I would ask yourself, is he really interested in this girl? Or is she someone just to pass time and she is just a rebound?
There is no harm in talking in my opinion and you can hang out and reconnect and he will realize that what he has with you is far more special than what he has with her and will get back with you.
I went out with another guy to get my guy off his but and take action because he had doubts about our relationship and was not sure which direction we were going and there were too many complications. It worked and we are both very happy with eachother and very much in love. In fact we are stronger than we were.
FYI like you our relationship was long distance, but for 10months.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2010): I personally think it would be best if you don't contact him. At least, not right away. You broke up with him a month ago, which is not very long at all. It is natural to have doubts, to second guess your decision, to wonder if it was the right choice or not. And it is very easy to remember the good times, the special moments you had together, and that makes it even more confusing.
But remember, you broke up with him for a reason. I'm sure you wouldn't have ended the relationship without good reasons. So why did you end it? What was going on? How was it making you feel? Try and remember those things. Yes, things were once good between you, but something obviously changed, and you were unhappy. You had genuine reasons for doing what you did. Even if those feelings are not there now, even if the reasons you broke up seem silly or trivial, they were not at the time. They were real and painful.
You say you feel lonely now, and that is a normal reaction after breaking up with someone. But it doesn't mean that you should go back to him, simply out of loneliness. This is bound to be really difficult right now, as the break up is still very new. But in time, it will start to feel better.
I was once in a relationship with a guy, and after a while it felt like it was just dying. I ended the relationship, and then felt terribly lonely afterwards. I wondered if I had made the right decision or not, and I started to think about all the good times we had, how special things were at first, and I felt unhappy. We did actually give things another try because of my feelings...and nothing changed. It was exactly the same. I realised that I couldn't stay in the relationship because I was lonely, as it just wasn't working. So we split up again, for good that time. And although it took a bit of time, we both moved on.
If he is dating somebody else now, then I think that is another reason not to contact him. I guess no one can say for sure what will happen in the future. But right now, I think you are tempted to act on the basis of what you are feeling. I think it might be best to wait until you have given yourself more time, until your emotions are calmer, and until you can think about the situation with a bit more clarity. Then you will be in a better position to know what to do, if anything.
I know this must be really hard and painful for you, and I am sorry for what you are going through. But try and give it more time before taking any action. And bear in mind why you ended the relationship in the first place, rather than just thinking about the good times, so you will have a more balanced view of the situation. Good luck, and I hope things work out well for you. x
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 May 2010):
 No,no,no, Do not contact him.
You could not handle long distance.You have been fighting for 2 months. You decided to end it, you decided that no contact was best, and you chose not to respond when he contacted you. And eberything was fine.
Until you found about the new girlfriend,and,guess what,all of a sudden you think you are soulmates.
This is just plain,ol'ego. Now you want back something that you let go without too much drama....precisaly because now you know that he is not available anymore, and there is someone else that wants what you had once.
Typical- and understandable. But it's not about love, it's just a human instinct for pride,competition and coming out on top.
Let it go-move on.
You want to know if he misses you.... well, he can't miss you so terribly much, if he just got himself a new girlfriend, no ?
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A
female
reader, newbeauty25 +, writes (30 May 2010):
remember the frist thing you said" i decided no contact was best for me to heal" "HE DID CONTACT ME. BUT I DIDNT RESPOND" okay
so you feel this guy hurt you and he wasnt good for you.when he contacted you, why didnt you respond?..
when he ws avsliable to you you ignored him now he hs moved on and like ny female or human we all want something we cant have.. give yourself a break nd move on too. if he really wants you he knows where you are dont be selfish. dont try nd take away from his life because your feeling lonely. you have many to offer which means ya mans coming too..
live love and enjoy life.. dont see it as lonely see it as ME time and concentrate on yourself . you dont need a relationship to validate your existence..
good luck..xoxo
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