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female
,
anonymous
writes: Almost 10 years ago, I met a man. Basically although I have had very bad relationships with other men, this relationship was only sex but we got along great, We would talk about friends and family and he would drop what he was doing if I called.But the thing is I actually feel deeply for him and even when we have not seen or spoken to one another in 10 years, I deeply love him.I'm not seeing anyone and at the time I was seeing this man he would, I did believe, he may ask for some sort of commitment.As my other boyfriends were more violent, I found it hard to express my feelings to him in case he took me for granted.What I did is played the hard cookie: "I don't need no man", blah blah.The last time we were together I asked myself this man is 7 years younger than me. Our lives are so very different.Well he ordered a meal. After the delivery of the meal candles, wine, he seemed to lose his appetite.At the side of me was book cabinet and what caught my eye was a book on marriage,. I tried to ask him what was it for and he went quiet on me.I stayed the night. The next morning I demanded that he take me home.We both seemed nervous to speak.The next time we spoke was over the phone our good bye had come.Well simply I adore him I would not care if he were fat, poor, bald. I will always love him.Is there any one that belives in type of love?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Aunty Heather for your advice and all you nice people who have given advice.
Well i decided to try and date and go on line a dating site.
Disater i got maybe by 12 faces and staring back at me was the man i have been in love with for so long.
At first i was happy he looking for a serious relationship.
Later i got thinking he put that he was a lot younger than his age.Wierd he is a lot younger than me but i looked younger than him,he said that he was a non smoker ,so maybe he's stopped.then he stated he lived eleswere.
Me now feeling nervous and happy i wanted to phone him that day.
But i stayed on line i came across the id of a man that fit him to a tee capriorn,age self employed, ect but no pic.So he had to ids on line.
Thats when i got angry any way i did some checking, he is actuly married,he is in the same home he purchased 10 years ago,he dabbled in drugs he ha a very good buisness,it would seem because of his work he able to travel up and down UK meeting women for a good time!!
Well my bubble burst i have feeling yes but not of wanting to be with him,infact im glad am still single and looking for some one i can trust.
So im cured.
A
female
reader, ask aunty heather +, writes (1 January 2006):
you need to contact him. see him and talk about things and either achieve closure and move on or go back to him.
you must also realise that just because he has been the only non violent man youve been with that that doesnt make him special.most men are not violent. when youve been in a nasty relationship you either bash them back or become a victim or even do the sensible thing and leave them. the trouble is, when youve been exposed to being treated so badly for so long by multiple partners you expect that behaviour from people as its what you are used to. my advice to you is to go and see a domestic violence counsellor and look at ways in which you can avoid attracting violent nasty guys. the will also help you with your self esteem and will help you rebalance what should be the normal boundries within a relationship. you need to think about doing an assertiveness workshop.
walk away from any violent men in the future....you know the sign that somebody is going to be violent, i urge you to leave anybody that shows these early warning signs.
there are good guys out there who will love and respect you and not try and control you to the same extent as those with violent tendancies do. in order to seperate the good from the bad you need to take a good look at yourself and take stock of what you want for your future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2005): MR Ed you are so funny and everything you say is quite true.Im going to have to think hard about this.
But thank you for your kind words.
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A
male
reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (21 December 2005):
 I believe in that type of love and I have a few friends that I would point out that are the same way. Let's just say for the sake of discussion you run into him again. Things have changed alot over 10 years. You may still love him and maybe he loves you but, you don't really know him very well now. In the last 10 years I have been married/divorced/2 children/3 DUI's/5 arrests/comendated/2 fistfights/dumped 5times/3 jobs/owned my own business/made 30 new friends/had sex _____ times/joined church/found GOD/learned to cook/had 6 relatives die/left the military and a few things that weren't important. I wonder do I really know myself. Saying that you would love him whether he's fat,poor or bald is only surface love anyway. Emotional love is another story. Does he posess anger/resentment/love/tragedy/depression/guilt/animosity or a number of things that would drive you crazy. Maybe not maybe he's just the way you left him. Maybe he loves you still but either way unless you take a chance and contact him you my dear WILL NEVER KNOW. Good luck in finding him. Sincerely Ed
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2005): I think you should contact him right away and get clear on what happened. This is unresolved for you, and you will always wonder what could have been if you don't check it out. Who knows what will happen. But stop wondering, and find out.
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