A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Here is my problem, Agony Aunts:I am in a relationship where I am between a rock and a hard place. There are things I like about the girl (her looks, her sweetness, her intelligence, the thrill I get when I see her) and things that I can't stand (she is untrustworthy, manipulative, and entitled). My head and my friends tell me to leave, that it is a destructive relationship. But my heart tells me to stay.I have been in this situation a long time.How do I get out of it?One idea I had was to hate her. It is much easier to hate her than to be in this gray area. If I love her, I will remain tortured forever. If I am her friend, that won;t work either. So maybe if I force myself to hate her (and there are reasons to) that might be my way out.Has anybody ever been in a situation like this? How did you get out of it?Thank you! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): Leave and don't harbour the notion of being her friend because it wouldn't work out that way.
Remember, there are plenty of other girls who are sweet, intelligent but not manipulative. From my own personal experiences, manipulative people are very hard to deal with. So why give yourself heartache by staying with her?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): You are young and have yet to reach your pain threshhold to know what you will and will not put up with. The bad qualities you listed are enough to send anyone running who has dealt with them before and if its the truth what you say about her...you'll reach your limit soon enough and never look back.
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A
female
reader, LostInMyself  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 As caringGuy states she is not sweet jsut manipulative.
When I was in a similar situation, things got so bad I was even scared of leaving the house because he would manipulate and make me feel guilty.
My solution? I out the pants on and told him I wanted to "take some time" he got enraged but I put my foot down. He had no choice but to accept it--- Of course I meant to break it off for good but I thought telling him I wanted some time off would make it easier. So I never answered his calls or emails, 2 months later he asked for me to get back, I said, sorry, but no, I don't think we are appropiate for each other right now and you deserve a chance to be happy with someone else. Of course he got into psycho mode...but just ignore it--- get away from her, do something else to take your mind of her. He showe dme his true selfish self in the break up so I instantly fell out of love, because I realized his sweetness was just a fake cover.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 January 2011):
 Hate is for the most part a wasted emotion. It will tear you up more then the person you "hate" Honestly, there aren't really much to gain from hating anyone.
So here goes. You head, your friends and your gut tells you to leave and the end it. You know why? Because that would be the SMART thing to do. The bad far outweigh the good with her in your relationship, as far as you have described.
You heart tells you to stay. SHE will not change, no matter how much you love her. Why? Don't you think you can find someone better? Do you feel sorry for her? Though I have no doubt she can easily find another smuck to manipulate. (uh did I just call you a smuck? Sorry, but when you knowingly LET people manipulate you, it is your own fault too. IT IS up to you how people treat you.)
I have no doubt that once you dump her and cut all contact you will realize just how bad she & your relationship was.
It's like ripping off a band-aid. JUST do it.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (18 January 2011):
I have a rule - No manipulative, untrustworthy people no matter what!
You should use that rule. Because she's not really sweet - she's just manipulating you.
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