A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've got a friend who is from a family that my own is very close to, we have grown up together. But I've seen this alot that people who grow up as close friends but aren't related tend to develop feeling for one another.I first recognised I had these feelings about 10 years ago but about 5 years ago something did happen between us. Unfortunately at the same time he had a girlfriend who I know he cared for deeply so we shared the odd kiss possibly every 6 months or so when we had drank too much which im not proud of but then nothing more, we didnt keep in touch other than when our families were together which wasnt often that we would both be there.He split up with his girlfriend last year and something a bit further happened between us shortly after, but then for some reason we didnt speak for months after, Im not sure if he isnt that interested or we shocked ourselves by taking things further and felt a bit embarrassed. A few weeks ago he got in touch again, slightly intoxicated saying he was desperate to meet me right then, it was late so I couldnt go but he expressed how he felt about me and we arranged to meet a few days later. We spoke each day till then organising plans but then on the day he claimed he was ill and since then we havent spoke again (approx 3/4 weeks). Why is he doing this to me, does anyone have any ideas?? We have the chance to let something happen, he says he wants it to because he has feelings for me, we arrange to meet then nothing and I have no idea when I'll next see him. This has gone on for years and I'm really confused!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): Firstly, him being drunk when he calls you is really disrespectful, second, the fact that each time something happens between you two, he disappears is not a good sign.
Listen, i know you like this guy but he is playing with your feelings to get what he wants. Sex.
If he had even a tiny bit of respect or feelings for you, he would not ignore you for weeks at a time or bail on you with some pathetic excuse.
He has "feelings" for you, either when he's drunk or wants sex.
I recommend sending one last text to this guy. Tell him how you feel and the way he's been acting has been completely out of order. Once you've said what you want to say, cut contact.
This guy does not want a relationship, that is clear to see. You are better than this, you are better then being some guys play thing when he's drunk.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): Hi,
Thanks for your reply, its obviously makes sense to me, its what I've always known.
I think he's maybe text me a couple of times in recent months when he hasnt been drunk and there was mention of us being together in those messages but we never get any further, on the other hand I know if he really cared he would have made a lot more effort than he has done.
I think a lot of it is based on the fact he always had his relationship to fall back on but ive been single all the time this has been going on so he knows he hasnt really got any competition or really needs to bother getting on with things, its always been at his pace because he controls it all.
There's a family holiday soon that neither of us will be going on so he is more than likely to be in touch then, so thats my opportunity to tell him I'm not happy with this arrangement anymore, I'm really at the end of this road now!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): Why are you so confused, you're his drunken friend with benefits. Sorry to put it that way but it's true, he only wants you when he's drunk. All those other plans he made while sober were because he said he would while drunk. All his confessions of love, yep you guessed it, drunk.
That's that really. The guy just isn't that you or he wouldn't keep bailing on you like he does. Time to move on, it's not good to wait around pining for a guy you can't have and doesn't actually see you as a potential relationship unless he's drunk and loved up.
Have you his number? Then call him, ask him to meet you somewhere for coffee and get it all out in the open. Have a nice big long chat with him while sober and see what he says. Enough games OP, get to the bottom of this and find out what his game is. No more guessing, no more trying to win him over, no more drunken meetings. All cards out on the table and get some straight answers from him.
FYI: Indecision, maybe, I'm not ready, I'm not sure, let's see ho it goes, I don't want to ruin our friendship all of these things mean no. Always OP, they mean no, they don't ever mean what they sound like. The only positive answer is a yes, every other type of answer means no. If it's anything other than a yes, then move on but get your closure.
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A
female
reader, Spades  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 Don't wait for him. I went through something very similar. This guy was my best friend and had been for years. On and off during those years he would express interest in me, yet send me mixed signals. I even confronted him about this. He said that he did in fact like me but that it would "ruin the friendship". So I left it at that.
Although part of me still has some feelings for him. It's not enough to interfere with my life. If it's ment to be then it will work out, but don't force it.
Continue on with your life.
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