A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Have you ever started a relationship with someone, knowing all-well that it probably wouldn't workout anyways, just so you could have sex with that person? I'm curious because from what I've observed among friends and acquaintances - and people in general - is that most single men want to get laid whereas most single women want a relationship (yes, I understand I'm generalizing a bit here). Given that women are the gate-keepers to having sex, it seems a lot of guys just 'go-along' with the notion of having a relationship with someone they don't entirely like and/or are truly compatible with just to have sex. I'll hear of women saying that they felt 'used' in their past short-term "relationship", but surely they could have seen beforehand that it wasn't going to workout and there was a key underling motive (i.e. sex) for them getting together. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2012): "And now, when I say I'm searching for a virgin, people think I'm way too judgmental."That is incredibly infuriating, isn't it? Most people aren't nearly as tolerant of different sexual beliefs as they pretend to be. They "tolerate" your chaste beliefs as long as you don't actually try to live by them.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2012): No and that's the reason I still have my v-card. Back in HS there were certain girls that I could have dated. Some were very persistent about it, too. They were pretty but none of them did the trick personality-wise. I am sad to say that the vast, vast majority of guys advised me to take advantage. I thought about it but decided against it. When I didn't, almost everybody thought I was gay. And now, when I say I'm searching for a virgin, people think I'm way too judgmental.
I still haven't regretted my decision but I'm 100% certain that both women and men would have "rewarded" me socially if I had taken advantage.
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A
male
reader, Tom Obler  +, writes (28 January 2012):
 Sadly I did this once. I met a girl on line, fancied her but had no intention of being part of her family life longterm. But, I just simply had to have her. So, I wined and dined, bought dinner a couple of times, had a couple of days out. Did the deed a few times and then disappeared.
And yes, I do feel bad about this, we were both mature over 35's and maybe one day I'll send a small note with an apology.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2012): I think attraction tends to make people think the best of the person to whom they are attracted until categorically PROVEN otherwise, and sometimes not even then. Case in point: women who see and feel that their partners are physically violent or abusive, and choose to stay with them anyway. It's in our nature to think, however foolishly, that "he's not really like that," or that we can "change him." That somehow we are the magical exception to the behavior pattern of his that we don't like.
If a woman *knew* from the VERY beginning that the potential partner in question was that calculating, then no, I don't think she'd be nearly as quick to want a relationship.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (28 January 2012):
 P.S. There's another "old adage" that applies too:
"Women fake orgasms; Men fake entire relationships."
Sorry, I'd forgotten that one....
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (28 January 2012):
You are correct. The "old adage" that applies is this one:
"Women offer sex in the belief that it is part of a relationship; Men will feign a relationship in hopes that they will get sex."
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, Dr.LanceMerryweather +, writes (28 January 2012):
 Sounds to me like you're learning the complexities and paradoxes of relationships.
I've been in a situation years ago where I went on a blind date, met the woman, thought she was a little rough-looking but had a drink and a chat anyway and we ended up having sex all night (seemed a shame to waste the aftershave!)
When I didn't bother seeing her any more she called me a few names etc but I certainly didn't make any promises to her regarding a future or anything. If anything, she should've been angry with herself because, as you so eloquently say, women are the gatekeepers to having sex, after all.
Some women just need someone else to blame for their own short-sightedness/ desperation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2012): So what u saying that we women have to be more intuitive? Sometimes we can see it sometimes we don't, as u guys are very good in saying all kind of lies just to get us in bed.The difference between men and women that women don't go to bed with someone they don't like, as opposite to guys who do it all the time. So if we went to bed with you it means we liked you very much and yes we want a possible relationship with a guy that we had sex with because that's why we had sex because we liked the guy. I don't know if it makes sense to u, since you asked this question, but this is how it is with us girls.When a girl says she feels used, that exactly what happened: her body was used as a commodity just for man's sexual gratification.In addition to that a sad fact is that most guys especially young ones don't know what to do with female body in bed. All they know is how to incert their penis inside of it and have orgasm after few minutes.In addition to us not being liked very much by a guy and them using our bodies just to get off, we don't reach that pleasant moment called orgasm, because no effort and no time was spent by a guy.How do you not feel used after that. We feel like a piece of furniture not like a human being after copulation like that.That's why when we become older we become very selective and more demanding in bed. We try to get to know a guy first and his intentions and then go to bed with him, so we won't feel like a piece of furniture after the fact.We know that boys will be boys that's why we try to find that special one who won't use our bodies just for his pleasure. We are looking for someone who also cares about our pleasure, a man, youn know, not a little horny boy.
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