A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:This girl I have been friends with for 3 years were once close. We'd chat or talk every day. But then as I got to know her, I realized things about her I never knew. And I cut off the friendship for the final time a little time ago. One thing is I realized she lied a lot. To me and to others. She would tell me she couldn't make our appointment and give an excuse and then I would find out she would be somewhere else.Also, her relationships with men got me very uncomfortable. You see, she never had a boyfriend and she said she always wanted one but never found the right guy. But then I noticed men did come after her and she encouraged them, more like lead them on. They would buy things for her and do things for her, but when they got too serious she would cut them off. BUT she would sleep with older men. Once I visited her apartment and she got a call from one of these guys and I heard her tell him real sweet things. When I said she was playing with him, she just said, "No, he's playing with me!" I became offended at the lying and the using of men. My talking to her just made her deny it more. I just could not take it anymore and told her that i could not remain friends with her as it was. she told me it was my problem not hers. I never did this before and feel guilty. but going back means going against my beliefs and values and i feel like i am with someone who has a split peronality. Am i a traiteorous b--ch?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2011): You did the right thing. I did something similar to what you did and I gone back to give my so called friend a benefit of a doubt. He showed his true colors as he blamed me for his faults. He never apologized for causing the mess in the first place and he had the audacity to tell me to work myself. If you go back, this will happen to you. So save yourself another heartbreak. Its your friend that should come apologizing and crawling back to you. As for me, it wasn't a total loss for me as I got to see his true colors and I apologized in the name of the Lord, so now he and his sorry butt will answer to God.
A
female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (9 September 2011):
 Hi,Don't feel guilty. You did the right thing. A friend is someone you can trust and have the same morals and standards. At times, different opinions and point of view, but to me trust and honesty is the most important thing in a friendship. If she lies about little things, how can you depend on her when you really need a friend? Also, she's selfish using guys to her own advantage. It's very hurtful to use people, lie... Disrespectful. Why would you want to have someone like that as friend? After seeing her true colors, every time you are with her, you will always wonder if she's telling you the truth? Its exhasting to have doubts all the time. You make friends to connect, to seek help when needed, to make happy memories, support you... Friendship is not supposed to be stressful. Don't feel guilty, be glad that you didn't become closer and make lots of new friends. Sometimes people are deceiful, so consider this as a lesson, don't be hard on yourself because this is not your fault. We all have been there... Know how you feel. Good luck! Hope this helps... Take care...
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A
female
reader, curiousandconfused +, writes (9 September 2011):
No way are you a traitorous bitch and I commend you! If you don't like her values - or in her case - lack of values - why should you feel obligated to be friends someone you don't think is a good person? My ex boyfriend ended his friendship with a friend because the was cheating on his wife, seeing prostitutes and other women and throwing money at them just to be around him. My ex was disgusted by his behavior and didn't want to have to be part of the lie so he ended the friendship. I had to end a friendship with a woman - there were a lot of small things that irked me - but the major one was when she went back to an ex-boyfriend and blatantly started using him. He bought her everything - dinner, alcohol, groceries, clothes, expensive boots - took her to get her nails done - which she very happily showed off with no shame. The worst part of it was that he was on disability for bipolar - he had some construction jobs every now and then and was paid under the table - he lived with his parents - and spent all this money on her while she laughed it up and used him. She was very defensive person so there was no point in trying to talk to her about it. Then when he was hospitalized for mania and things got tough, she dumped him. So she showed her true colors to me - that she was a materialistic, manipulative user. I lost complete respect for her and stopped contacting her. (Oh, and she went from a size 10 to a size 18 while pigging out and drinking on his tab, so karma's a b*tch.)Anyway, stay true to your values. If your friend uses people without any apology or awareness, she doesn't deserve good friends.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2011): If a relationship is unhealthy to the point that it is harming you, you need to cut it off. Her actions towards you are enough to do that imo. I'm not sure about her relationships with men, it's hard to say for sure what is going on. Maybe she just likes attention from lots of men- if those men didn't want to be involved with her they wouldn't be, so that is their problem. Just worry about yourself, she treated you and maybe other people badly, so you're better off ending the friendship.
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