A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Let me give some background. Two years ago my boyfriend and best friend had a falling out. My best friend told my boyfriend that he better not hurt me or she would try and find someone to beat him up. I can understand why my boyfriend doesn't like her, it's perfectly clear. At one point they were cool until this disagreement they had. Now, I agree with my boyfriend that she could have addressed him in a better way and I've told her that, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop being her friend. I've known her for like 10 years. However my boy friend doesn't see it that way. He doesn't want me to be friends with her at all.Me and my best friend live in different cities, when we were young we lived in the same town but as we got older our lives changed and we ended up moving in different directions. From time to time i like to go back home and see my mom and while I'm visiting my mom I go see my best friend too. But my boyfriend hates when I got see my friend. Whenever I go back home and see everyone my boyfriend gets mad, we argue over me visiting my friend. Well just recently I went to my hometown. As soon as I told my boyfriend my plans he got mad, had an attitude told me I can't hangout with my friend or even visit her or else and he drove off with that being said. A few hours later he called me to tell me not to call him until I returned home. After my visit I returned home a few days later. I called him but he acted uninterested and now 2 days later I still havent heard from him. Now I think my boyfriend is being unreasonable about me being friends with my best friend.I guess my question is am I wrong for remaining friends with my BFF? Is my boyfriend wrong for trying break up my friendship with her?Should I try and call him and try and talk to him?orShould I just wait until he gets over himself and have him call me? In need of help.....I think my relationship is on the line!!!!
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female
reader, Eilish  +, writes (9 March 2011):
 I think your boyfriend is quite selfishly putting you in a very awkward position here.
Firstly, falling out with your friend over a boy is totally out of order. If you guys split up for some reason, where will your friend be then? And also, you'd be willing to fall out with her for warning your boyfriend not to hurt you, looking out for you?
However, I can also see your BF's point of view here. You're right, she should have addressed him in a nicer way and it was deffinatley not fair of her to threaten him.
Saying this though, why do you have to sacrifice your relationship with your friend just because your boyfriend doesn't get on with her? Surely just because they don't get on, that doesn't really make it fair for him to order you not to be friends with her. It's actually got nothing to do with you in one perspective. You should be able to speak to both of them. If they don't get along then that is their problem, not yours, and you shouldn't be brought into it especially when it comes to chosing between two important people.
Don't fall out with your friend. The best solution to this would probably be to tell your friend that what she said is really putting your relationship at risk. Tell her whats going on and let her know you would really appreciate it if she apologized to your bf, for YOU. If she disagrees, then she is being selfish. Your relationship is deterriarating because of something she said, therefore if she apologizes, all this mess will be resolved. xxx
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 March 2011):
 That's a tough one to answer.
Because in theory I should say that yes, your bf is controlling and he can't tell you whom to befriend and if you want to be friend with Satan, that's your own business.
But in practice, I think I'd react like him : I'd say : WTF ? You are supposed to love me - and you are BEST FRIEND with someone who has threatened to break my legs ?... Thanks for your loyalty !
Then again, I understand you don't want to take sides. Maybe you know your friend well, maybe you know she is a big mouth, or impulsive, or a hothead, etc... she says things that she does not really mean, and so for you and your friend the episode has not the same weight that it has for your bf.
I'd say the best thing to do is wait for your bf to calm down, then call him and have a nice , calm talk. Explain him that you do love him, and that you can see his point,
but that knowing your best friend well all the good points of your friendship compensate what was an one time slip up, which after all was due to her eagerness to protect you. Explain him that you know she was wrong- but don't see a point in holding lifelong grudges, you were able to forgive and you hope he will be too.
Of course, it would not hurt if your friend could send him two lines of e-mail telling him- sorry, I was way out of line- can we all please forget about this silly mistake and move on .
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