A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone.So a little history about my relationship. It's been really rocky. My girlfriend and I have never had an easy relationship. We've dealt with a lot of lies and cheating, and we've been on and off for five years. In a month that we broke up, she got pregnant. I stayed and I feel that this was a big mistake, and although I’m actually kind of attached to her son, it still breaks my heart into thousands of pieces. Even though our relationship is a secret right now because my mother isn’t supportive, I told her we can both raise this child and we’re moving in together once I start my new job at the end of the month. Now, my birthday is in a few days and she went out and spent all her money on baby clothes she didn’t need, and I wouldn’t say anything because I feel like maybe I’m selfish. Last night she went on the baby father’s facebook and he’s having another child and she flipped, but she didn’t care that he didn’t care about his son before that. She called me this morning and told me she’s going to his town three hours away and I feel like I have to say in a child’s life that I am supposed to be raising. Also, she couldn’t afford to get me a birthday gift, but she could pay for the bus ride there and back for her and her friend? I feel like I’m not important anymore and I hate feeling jealous of a child. I’m considering ending our relationship, but then I feel horrible because she needs help with her son. I want to talk to her about all this but I’m not sure how, what should I say to her?
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female
reader, loostminded +, writes (14 March 2011):
Okay I am a women who was in your gfs situations I had a soon and met another man. My sons dad was an alcholic so I left. I then met a guy who I fell in love with quickly. I ended up pregnant by him and I was evven scared to tell my baby father and I doont know why. Months later he had told me his gf was pregnant I hit the roof and again I don't know why. I love my bf very much but was very upset when I found out my babyfather had someone pregnant.I believe your gf really loves you and her reactioon to her babyfather having another kid is some kind of natural thing. It happened to me and I'm now way over it still with my bf after three years. And I am in such love :). I actually ended up being the only one there while my xbfs gf pushed their daughter out. I held her leg up. I supported her because at the end of all the jealousy and insecurity that child was my sons half sister.you just need to explain to yoour gf how you are feelingabout her reactions believe me she may deny it but she knows why your upset. She will get over the jealousy That hit her with her ex you just have to support her and I'm sure you will. Her son will get attached to you and you will get attached to him so make ur decision wisely before you have to pull needles from yooour heart.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2011): You're being used. She might like you, she might care about you, but you are mainly just useful to her. I don't think she desires you like she does him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2011): You do realise that a relationship already described as 'really rocky' when you're only 18-21 isn't going to last right? On top of that it doesn't sound like she cares or takes your feelings into consideration much at all.
You did say she needs help with her son, how would she cope without you? Not as easily I'd imagine and that fact on top of her almost indifferent attitude towards you, strongly suggests she's using you. Probably for a bit of security and help with her child.
I'd leave now if I were you, it's never going to work out. You'll either leave thanks to feeling used. Or when her child's older and she's not so dependant on your help, I'd be willing to bet she'll leave you for someone else. I mean it doesn't sound like your relationship is one dreams are made of....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2011): It would be better, if you have doubts, to end things now rather than later. The child will become more attached to you as time goes on and will think of you as his father. If you left later, it would cause more pain for all concerned. You can not stay with someone because you feel someone needs you - this will not be a healthy relationship in the long run. Think of the long term - you are in a shaky relationship, do you want to make the break or gamble that things will improve. This ex also seems to be an issue bubbling away in the background. You can still be a supportive friend - even if not a boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2011): You are young and I have to give you respect for even trying to raise someone else child, I would not be able to do that as I am around the same age range as you and feel too young to deal with baggage.
I know you feel betrayed and everything has changed, and you know what it has and you are right to feel this way. But she had a baby when you two were split, so it wasn't like you were together but then again I can see why you resent her as you two were still in each other lifes. To be honest, as a woman if I really loved/cared about a man I would not get pregnant by another man.
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A
female
reader, GeeGee255  +, writes (9 March 2011):
 While it doesn't mean that she doesn't love you. She does seem to have quite a few unresolved issues with the father that she is obsessing over. Which would make me wonder just where you stand with her. So tell her what she means to you and then ask her: Where do I stand with you? What do I mean to you? And where do you see us 2 years from now? Demand honesty.
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