A
female
age
36-40,
*onfused n frustrated
writes:I am just ending an abusive relationship of almost three years and I've spend some time with a coworker of mine. We ended up having sex after only hanging out a couple times, which is isn't like me but I am wondering what he thinks of me for giving it up so soon.I know I am going through a lot of emotional stress which caused me to sleep with him, but my coworker doesn't know those details. What do you think? Do you think I've already ruined it with my coworker?
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female
reader, confused n frustrated +, writes (26 September 2007):
confused n frustrated is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your help. I really didn't want to rush into another relationship. I'm not ready. I just enjoy hanging out with this guy and I didn't want to become the talk around work either. Since everything, we've talked a couple times out of work but I got the feeling like I was bothering him in way. At work I have just backed away and he keeps giving "sexy look" stares lol when sees me and tries say some things to be funny but don't want to chase anybody. I figure what will happen will find a way to work out. sound like I'm making right moves?
A
male
reader, Sandman +, writes (19 September 2007):
 I wouldn't say it's ruined. You can always get your dignity back. Just stop having sex with him. Simple, right?
You are the one in control of your actions. If you feel like your actions are sketchy, then change them. Let him know that you were having a great time with him and having sex with him was not regretted, but you want to slow down and get to know him better before committing to another relationship - especially a physical one.
It may be hard to imagine, but some men are very resilient. He MAY find it sort of rejecting at first or may think that something is wrong with him but he'll bounce back and continue seeing you if he's really in to you. If he only wanted you for sex, you'll find out soon what he's all about anyway and you can leave him for another guy.
Hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, Duda +, writes (19 September 2007):
Ruined what? Were you just looking for someones approval that your are desirable? Abusive relationships reduce a persons self esteem. Consequently, the abused seek to heal. Unfortunately, most of us seek healing from the wrong source- that is, another relationship. And how much deeper than with a sexual partner. Don't look to please others right now. That just places you into another vulnerable position, a set up for more abusive treatment - whether that happens now, or later. Consider why you are so eager to please others - at any cost. This is usually found somewhere in your past - and often, with females, due to the actions between mom and dad, or inattentions of a father whose attention you sought in vain.
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A
female
reader, brokenshadow +, writes (19 September 2007):
 Well, I guess it just really depends on how into you the person is. Play it cool and see how he acts with you. If he's distant, just casualy, yet privately tell him you don't usualy do things like that and that you hope he doesn't have the wrong impression. Don't be too paranoid though. Who knows, something good may come from this. :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2007): Are you ready to get in to another relationship right away?? You might want to take some time to heal first. Rebound relationships usually don't end up working out. And you didn't ruin anything if it's meant to be then it will be.
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A
male
reader, somewhat_anonymous +, writes (19 September 2007):
There is a chance it is ruined, but I doubt it. If anything, you probably just opened up some possibilities. You'll never know unless you ask, which isn't easy, but the answer to about 80-90% of all questions asked on this site. In either case, really think it out. Sex/love and work can sometimes lead to some nasty politics.
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