A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I feel like I've missed the chance to fulfill my dream of getting married long time ago and I'm ready to throw the towel.I will turn 44 this year, still single and lonely. I know that you can find true love at any age, I also know there are lots of single people out there but what I don't understand is; what did I do wrong? how did I get here? Did I miss my opportunity? or am I destined to be alone for ever. People "Of course married people" tell me all the time you will meet the right person, just stop looking and stop waiting for it to happen, it will happen when you are least expecting it. To me those are just cliches. People say all the time no one is destined to be alone unless they want to, you need to believe in yourself, love yourself,just be yourself, be out there and be open and not desperate. Well I am none of the above. I was engaged to be married when I was 23 but he cheated on me with another girl who got pregnant and we broke up. After a long break trying to find the trust I lost in men and in myself and after a couple of failed relationships I met the love of my life and I was so grateful, I thought he was worth waiting. Almost 13 years ago, I met him a wonderful man who couldn't get enough of me, said I am the one, the first I love came from him and was pretty quick. He wanted to marry me but no children, he has two grown up kids from his first marriage, but then the war in Iraq happened and he was deployed for a while, when he came back things weren't the same. He still said he loves me and he wants me, but mind you in one occasion he introduced me as a "Friend" . Anyway long story short, we stayed in touch in our LDR and we decided to see other people; the thing is he always comes back to me, however he made it clear that he doesn't want us to get married anymore and he doesn't want us to move in together. He never said he doesn't want to be with me, but this how it sounds (Just saying that out loud hurts me profoundly) He just wants the occasional meet up for intimacy, no phone calls on a regular basis, just text messaging and emails. I am good looking; better than average, smart, successful, independent have a good career, own my own apartment, etc. I look after myself, have friends and a proud aunt, I am a member of a hiking group but I am not able to find someone to share my life with. I feel my relationship with this man is meant to be, other wise we would never have been able to be in this relationship "If you want to call it a relationship" unless it is really meant to be? is that possible? does that make sense or is it just me?All my best friends are married, busy with their lives and hardly have time to spend with me.So I am not understanding why am I still single? I want to get married, always wanted to have my own family, I wanted to have it all, husband, kids and good career. Did I miss my chance? Any advice is very much appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2016): I'm the one who posted this question. Thank you guys so much for taking the time to read my question and to reply. I'd like to clarify 2 things though. To aunt honesty i'm not sure what made you think I am not thankful for what I have because I'm so grateful for all the things I have and for all what i was able to achieve but i'm human and like everybody else I long for love and for someone to share my life with. Maybe you were never lonely and that's why you can't imagine what is it like, but thanks for the advice. And to aunt bittersweetchicka, I know what you mean when you say i'm second or third to him if he keeps coming back to me. You're right and i agree but (maybe i'm wrong-:)) not in my case. I know he loves me for sure but something is stopping him to commitment to any relationship, he is not in any relationship either, he is a workcoholic. I tried everything i could, i had a serous talk with him, i stopped all contact for nearly 4 months, but he will do everything he possible can to get me talking to him. Just recently he called after few voice messages, asked me when can he see me and when I said nice try and let's face it we haven't been on the same page in a very long time, he said then let's do our best to be on the same page again. I don't know exactly what does that mean but we are planning to talk about that. So do you still think it's better for me to move on? Can a relationship last for many years if it is not meant to be?
A
female
reader, bittersweetchicka  +, writes (10 May 2016):
Do you think maybe your holding on so you don't have to let go?
The idea of someone always coming back to you doesn't place you 1st it places you second or third..
I would cut the cord and move forward.
Why not do a dating agency or ask your friends, church or etc.
Go out there and find that hunk!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 May 2016):
 Are you actively looking for another man at the moment or are you hoping that this man will wake up one day and realize he does want to marry you? The thing is you need to let go off the idea that he is serious about you, his life changed after being away in Iraq and he does not see himself settling down with you any more, yes it is sad for you but you need to accept this. You need to stop being intimate with him, learn to say no and keep to your word.
There are plenty of ways to find men, go socializing, try online dating, join new groups try and make new friends who are also in the same situation as you.
I do truly understand why you are worrying that you have missed out, but be thankful for the life you have, make an effort to meet and chat to new people.
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