A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My friend has just shocked me with what she has just said, she told me she is seeing 2 guys. They dont know about each other and they live miles from each other and have no friends in common and she's kept this quiet until now. No-one knew she was seeing anyone.Now one of the guys has said he hopes shes not seeing anyone else, because if she is, its over. I dont know what to say to her .She asked me what should she do. (1) Dump one of them but she doesnt know which one. or(2) just keep seeing them both and see which fizzles out first . she said she doesnt want to dump both of them, when theres no need. i know someone is going to get hurt . what can i tell her? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2016): Im the op. i asked her what exactly is she doing with them both she said they are just having fun no relationship with either of them and they know it , she said she sees one once a month and the other when he wants a bit of fun. they live over 40 miles away from each other so very rare chance of bumping into each other , and she does the travelling. i told her to be careful and said what happens if one wants her as their girlfriend , shes said she would see how she feels if it ever happened but wouldnt carry on seeing the other guy. I just want her to be careful its as tho shes making up for ' lost time '
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2016): I would leave her to her own devices. If she can't make up her mind between them; the truth is, she likes things just as they are. She's a player. She only asked your opinion; because she knew you were judging her.
She's using one, and the other pleasures her.
Just out of the blue, one guy says he'd dump her if she was seeing anyone else? That means he's going to investigate, and this whole situation is going to correct itself. It's a small world; and if she thinks he's not keeping an eye on her and what she's up to? She's not only a cheat, she's dumb too.
Let her learn from her own mistakes. Cheating has bad karma, and she has to reap what she sows.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2016): Dump them both and from now on be honest. I'm not convinced that she wouldn't mind if she found herself in the shoes of one of her boyfriends. So it's hypocritical.Even if she wouldn't mind, relationships are about looking at things from the partner's perspective as well. If they would mind it is a problem and obviously they do mind.So, it would be best to stop seeing them both. However, whether or not she feels like telling them the truth, it's up to her. People mostly lie to avoid unpleasent situations and justify their acts by claiming that they are just "protecting" the person they are lying to.Coming clean would be a good idea for her sake, since it's a good step for taking responsability for her own actions. If she just leaves them and cites 'irreconcilable differences", they might jump to a conclusion that she may have cared about them, but that "life" happened and they may even try to get her back (which they wouldn't do if they knew the truth).So, this is not the question of being with two guys, but with her ability to compartmentalize and bend the truth for her own purposes.Now, I am not saying that she is not a good friend, but... it's good to know what her weaknesses are. Sorry, I know it's not nice.If she is as old as you are, she sould have know better, but we all learn at our own pace. Mind you, I am not judging her. Life is hard and we all have our own set of problems. I would love to have two husbands, but haven't find the duo that would agree to it... yet ;)
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A
male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (8 May 2016):
 If you look at it from the guys perspective, both of them would dump her if they found out that she is dating another guy. So option number 2 is out of the window: while waiting to fizzle, she is cheating on both of them.
There is always a third option which is to dump them both and do this the right way from the get go. To me, both relationships are tainted by her cheating.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2016): To be honest and blunt. It's her life and her choices. As long as one of these males is not a close friend that your worried about being hurt. I would leave it be and let "Her" do "Her", she will have to answer to her own morals by the end
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 May 2016):
 How "noble" of her to not want to dump them both....
I think the fact that the guy brought up the possibility of her seeing someone else means she has "hecked" up at some point and he suspect she IS cheating or double dipping.. call it whatever you like. She might think that she is being very clever with these two men, but she has no idea how little the world CAN be.
Is she "exclusive" with either or both? Are they BF/GF or is it a situation with HER having 2 f-buddies?
I ask that because if it is the first... Shame on her. If it's the latter she doesn't owe either of them to ONLY see one or the other.
And if they are just F-buddies I would presume she can be honest with them. To me though I'm guessing there is more to them than F-buddies.
What would YOU personally advice her to do?
Me? I'd tell her to pick one and stick with her choice (if they are not F-buddies) but if they ARE... I'd tell her to be honest. No one likes a liar, not even if it's "just" someone you sleep with. there still have to be SOME kind of trust and respect.
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