A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was wondering if someone can help me with a difficult situation that I have.I have recently broken up with a great girl, however I decided to end is with her, at which point she was really upset and very pleading to get back with me.There is a possibility that I could feel something still? I have felt the need to be affectionate and sexual with her, but I dont want to give her false hope.I sent her a text last week on the day that we slept in the same bed, after I was in two minds allow her to.The last time I saw her she called in to tell me good news, and after telling her I had to get to bed she had to go, she wanted to stay, after explaining that there was love there and I cared about her, she was very very upset and was pleading me to just take her back.We have not spoken now for nearly a week, she usually is on the ph everyday either by text or calls, but I have heard nothing nearly a week, she has agreed to just be friends, but I know she really wants more, and told me she doesn't want to to loose me from her life.have I made a mistake the way I have treated her , or is the fact that I am not prepared for a commitment now, why I have fallen in love with her?
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2009): Well if you love her .....what do you think .....soul search and then figure out if you have made the right choices if your heart is making you second guess yourself then you should already know you need to bend on your commitment rule and at least u can say u tried.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2009): I agree with Rythym..I too, think you treated her horridly. You dump her and then ask, at the end of your posting, why have you fallen in love with her? Are you certain you are 'in love' with her? I don't think you are. Lust, a good roll in the hay, occasionally..but NO, you do not 'love' her in the mature, respectful, sense. Let me say, if you truely loved her, you couldn't even withstand the possibility of losing her. It sounds like you are very confused about what you really, really want in your life and you need to figure that out. You are craving affection and a warm body to have sex with. I feel this is all it is, to you. That feelings you feel is likely maybe a tad bit of 'guilt'...that's it. You dumped her..she's struggling...and you feel obligated to make this easy for her. Don't do her any favors...let her go. You will have to be strong and cut off all contact with her because being in contact with this ex can and most certainly will interfere with all subsequent relationships both you and her, get involved in. She is hanging on, she's not ready to let go. She has to learn to 'stand on her own two feet', become more independant from you, gain some strength and work through the loss. The more you talk to her the more she will have a hard time with closing this relationship. If she hasn't called you in awhile, she could be working this through, in her own time and space. Do not talk to her and stop taking her calls. Do not agree to be her friend. In time, when you have recovered and healed...then and only then...can you be friends. But, please just leave her alone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2009): Your question is confusing...you want to know if you treated her badly by breaking up with her?
You want to know why she is pleading for you to just take her back?
You want to know if it is wrong to still sleep with her?
You want to know if you are not ready for a commitment then why did you fall in love with her?
Of course you treated her badly, you broke up your relationship when she was not ready for you to do that, you broke her heart and when a thing like this is fresh, emotions on both sides are very raw, hers especially...she is begging you because she does not want to accept the break up.
It is wrong of you to still sleep with her and keep her hanging on to her pain like that, you need to let her go if you do not want a relationship with her.
It sounds to me that you are questioning your decision to break up. If you aren't ready for a commitment it doesn't mean you can't also love her.....but you have to decide if you are willing to lose her forever. Trying to pretend to be just friends is also very painful for her and giving her hope that you two may be a romantic couple again.
You have to decide what you want and stick to it...and have the respect to leave her alone while she heals from the heartbreak you caused her.
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A
female
reader, pokaadott  +, writes (31 March 2009):
 Maybe you should try again with her and see how it goes, because everyone goes through bad patches and the way you said she used to text and stuff all the time maybe thats the reason for the split because you needed some space which is really what you should have explained to her if i was her and i read what you put id take you back because you sound genuine its nice to know there are some good people out there who do really care.
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A
female
reader, Dazed~Confused  +, writes (31 March 2009):
 Do not start anything with her unless you are sure you have feelings for her. While you can't say for certain what the future will hold, if you aren't sure what you want or don't think that you want to have a relationship with her then don't start anything. It will just confuse her and hurt her even more in the end....
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