A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are both each others first relationship. We have not gone farther then kissing.In the past few days, things heated up between us. He kept telling me to do only what I was comfortable with.The first time this happened, I decided to do something for him and got so nervous at the last minute I didnt. At first he seemed ok, but gradually it was revealed he felt completely rejected and embarrassed.The second time, I again became very nervous. I asked what he wanted, but he seemed very uncomfortable giving me directions. Again, he felt rejected, but he then said he was mad and ashamed at himself for making me uncomfortable. I feel really bad about this. I want to make him happy, but I'm shy and got worried I'd do something wrong. I've aplogized a lot, and he keeps saying dont worry about it. However, the look in his eyes and face says otherwise...his self esteem has been hurt.Is there anyway I can fix this? I tried to get rid of my shyness, but he said he doesnt want to guilt me into anything.
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kissing, self esteem, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (26 January 2012):
 Oh Puhleez!! He didnt want to guilt you any anything?! The fact that he said that and then was "hurt"" is enough of a guilt trip for you. He knows you are naive and he's not hurt or anything, he's just upset he's not getting any action.
Look OP, you cant just get rid of your shyness and inhibitions in one day. It takes time to become comfortable with someone and and every person is different. Some people take longer to get over their shyness and that is entirely up to YOU. Do whatever you are comfortable doing. In fact, as of now, dont even venture into this area, give it a break for a bit, spend some more time with this guy, see how your comfort factor is, and then decide if you want to proceed further.
Dont EVER get yourself to do anything to make HIM feel good. You dont owe him anything. If he gets "hurt", then its his problem, not yours. There's nothing to get hurt here, he's just making you feel guilty.
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (26 January 2012):
 Rejected, my foot.
Didn't he say that he wants you to do only what you feel comfortable with ? Didn't he say he does not want to guilt trip you into anything...?
Then just do what suits you. Don't try too hard, and respect the rythms and paces of your body and mind. If you are shy by nature, getting comfortable with new sexual stuff will take some time, and getting to know and trsut your partner more and more. What's the rush ?
The " look in his eyes " is not hurt self esteem, it's a very normal disappointment/ sexual frustration. He'll survive :) Had his self esteem been really hurt, though... I still advise you to think of YOUR self esteem first. There's nothing to erode self esteem fast like letting yourself be pushed into performing unwanted sexual acts.
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