A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: This is gonna sound weird but im not sure if ever had an orgasm... does this lack of certainty mean that ive actually never had it...?It feels great when we make love and sometimes I feel like thats almost it and im sooo close but there is sth missing...Is it possible that ive never had an orgasm during 2yrs of relationship?We re having sex very often and I do enjoy it, but...there is always this 'but'!He is my first and Im starting to think that I should try with sb else...We do speak about sex, but I still can't tell him what to do to make me come, simply bcoz I dont know it myself...Im starting to feel frustrated...help...
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male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (13 February 2008):
 Is it always just straight intercourse with little variation and limited foreplay? Masturbation is a good way for a young woman to explore her hot spots as suggested by some others here, but if he is doing the masturbation for you, let's then call it "foreplay."
Many men, at least some of us, enjoy playing with or along with our ladies. My preference is to also do much of it orally, but the idea is simply to "heat up" the female libido and even bring her to orgasm one or more times before I usually even think of engaging the penis.
Possibly "most" men, however, are less experienced in lovemaking, or rather indifferent, and pretty much just begin the intercourse as soon as permitted and rush to get their own jollies. Remember the first times your guy or another one was necking or "making out" with you trying to get you turned on enough to let him keep going around the bases? Well, sometimes, once a guy has made a home run and had the goods, he may no longer feel he has to start back at square one to get there. But they should.
Men can heat up and be ready in no time, but a woman becomes sexually aroused much slower. Usually 15 minutes at least or even much more time, depending on what her man is doing for her.
If he offers very little foreplay to get your engines running, he will be finished while you are just getting around the first lap.
The thing I can't tell you is "how" to convince a guy that pleasing a woman is one hell of a lot more that sticking it in and pumping until he cums. In my opinion, that only comes from experience. Some men finally realize that if they learn, and finally take the time to really satisfy their woman, she will be even more excited about making his fantasy dreams come true. She will stick around or keep coming back for more.
Consider the problem some of us guys have. Once we get it all figured out and gain the experience, and perhaps apply it for many years with a wife or lovers, we are then much older and the young horny ladies don't want us. lol
DoubleM
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 February 2008):
 Thanks for the follow up answer. I should also add that you are going to be the only one who knows what works for you sexually. It's a very rare man who would be able to figure out what you want or need to be sexually satisfied without you having some idea yourself!I know this sounds somewhat selfish but you should spend some time alone with yourself and your body, exploring sensations and touch. Fantasy can help you with this, but remember at the end of the day, sexual sensation is a matter of physical stimulation coupled with desire...Don't be embarassed or ashamed of exploring your own sexuality. Once you know what feels good to you, you can share that with a partner and find out what both of you like together! It's all good!
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (13 February 2008):
 Definitely doesn't sound like you've had an orgasm. Masturbate, you will definitely get there and it will improve your sex with your boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (12 February 2008):
 well first of all you will know wen you have one, so the fact that your asking is a no to that question. as to how to have one, alot of women dont orgasm during actual intercourse, there are different spots that can be stimulated to make you come, the clitoris is probably the most sensitve one. and that is not stimulated during intercourse, have you tried oral sex? this can be amazing and is almost guaranteed to make you orgasm. you could also try stimulating yourself while having sex. check out sexinfo101.com for more advice, this site will give you tips for pleasing her and him, positions, technique etc.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthx for the answers...I've never really mastubated-maybe thats the reason why I cant orgasm...I dont know-but I just didnt feel the need to do it... And I'm not sure if I would enjoy sexual experience without a guy by my side... I feel a bit strange and kind of dishonest when I think about doing it(Im crazy-I know..) rhythmandblues2 I really didn't mean that orgasm is the only thing I'm looking for. I just thought that the thing that I don't come with my BF might me related to the fact that I never slept with anyone else before... Maybe I'm naive but I kind of believe that there is someone who will know how to please me...I mean-maybe im just not experienced or he is not affectionate enough...maybe if I knew how I can be stimulated in different ways (or by someone else) I would figure out what makes me come... And I m not into cheating - I sort of think that if it doesnt work in bed with him then maybe we are not meant to be together...
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 February 2008):
If you have to ask, then you haven't had one. I know from experience as when I was your age I'd never had one either. It took some time with myself alone to figure it out. You should consider the book option. What worked for me and I'm long over being embarassed by this, was to buy a vibrator. Don't go to a sex shop you don't feel comfortable in to buy one--a vibrator is also used for treating sore muscles.Also don't feel you have to insert it for results--just place it over the "v" in your groin. Relax and feel the sensations.Now I should warn you that it can be too easy with the device so don't let it become a substitute for sex with a live person. The closeness you get there is so wonderful you can't miss that!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): Trust me, you will KNOW when you have an orgasm. Probably the very best way to orgasm is to do it yourself first. If you don't know how to bring yourself to orgasm, how is your lover going to? Masturbate, use your fingers or toys (or try both) and see what feels good. Some women can't get off on penetrative sex alone and need clitoral stimulation in order to do that so bear this in mind. When you feel like you are getting to the cusp of it (as you have probably done from your description), just don't stop, go with it, let the feeling wash over you and don't let yourself be distracted. Take your time, relax and don't put yourself under too much pressure to 'perform'. Promise, once you can do it to yourself, teach your lover how to do it to you and sex will never be the same again ;)
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2008): Wow, it sounds like having orgasms is all you are after when you suggest that you need to try it with somebody else, do this guy a favor and break up with him, he doesn't deserve to be the one to just service you so you can have an orgasm.
Now that my irritation with you is out on the table, here is what I suggest you try. Buy a book on female masturbation, there are some out there, or go on line and google masturbation techniques, and explore your own body until you can figure out how to have an orgasm, most women have difficulty having a vaginal orgasm through intercourse until they figure out the way to have one on their own, a clitoral orgasm is much much easier to achieve, and it does not really matter which type you have, they both do the same thing and release sexual tension and feel like an orgasm....after two years of a relationship and not being sure, means that you don't know how to help your boyfreind help you have an orgasm, not that he is not any good at it, however, you may both need to try some different techniques together....I guess relationships at your age are mostly about orgasms, but it does really start in your mind, if you aren't feeling bonded, close and in love, relaxed and sexually attracted and emotionally safe, then orgasms will be very difficult to achieve no matter how you try...
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