A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my girl for 5yrs during which we have had ups and downs. I was getting divorced and it was bitter. I loved her a lot but during all the stress (mostly from my side) the love has eroded. Is this because its a long term relationship or some other reason? Also i wanted her to lose weight and she agreed but only lost some. I'm not sure if I am 'deliberately warping' our relationship (as a female friend has suggested to me might be the case). I tend to want to be on my own a lot and am scared to commit to moving in with someone else after all the bad times with my ex wife. My girl loves me and wants me to stay and work through any problems but I wonder if a clean break is best. I sometimes think about other women. I don't have much experience with women, just my wife, my current girl and a couple of brief flings. I am nearly 50 and my girl is 39. I know I have some issues with moods etc but I think I'm a bit of a mess and I know I'm taking it out on my girl. I find her weight puts me off a bit and she knows this but her diet is a slow process. We have been together for all this time and had some happy times but I feel bitter towards her for not losing more weight. She is a nice person (very) and is pretty, fun, clever, loving has a good job and she always thinks we should work things out and she thinks it is unrealistic of me to think I am just going to go and meet all these other women I fantasise about. She believes in what we have had and says that all relationships go through difficulties. I did once say to her that we were soulmates. We ever had a chance for a normal romantic start to our relationship because my divorce was going on throughout most of it. She wants me to go for counselling but I don't want to. I feel as though I resent her and blame her for a lot of stuff that really belongs to my ex wife. Do I dump a good woman and take a chance that there might be other people out there for me or do i stay with her and make it work. My son has said that he thinks she is the best thing that ever happened to me but he leaves it up to me re what to do. Confused.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): I think you should end the relationship. Based on what you've written, you have a lot of thinking to do about what went wrong in your marriage before you launch into another long-term relationship. It also sounds as though you like your girlfriend but are not "in love" with her. You should give yourself time to really think about your feelings for her. Is it possible that you believe no one else will have you so you try to convince yourself that this girlfriend is right for you? Many people who have been in bad relationships end up feeling unattractive and inadquate and desperately cling to people with whom they are not compatible. If you take care of yourself physically, work on the personal issues that may have helped contribute to the problems in your marriage, and get in touch with what you really want in a relationship, then you will have gained a lot--even if you lose this relationship.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2008): Sorry about the spelling hun you would think after 3 DIVORCES!!!!!!! Id no how to spell the bloody word oh well there is life after divorce love TAKE CARE XXXX
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2008): Hi Hunny
Boy you are confussed sweetheart, First let me talk to you about the weight problem you have, Hunny she is trying to loose weight for you thats a hard thing to do for yourself if the pressure is there by the one you love because they dont find you so attractive its even harder. She probably feels bad enough love you said she was pretty fun clever and loving what else in the world could you wish for, Is not true love on the inside of a person.
You do have issues from your past, I have been there Ive been divorsed twice and Im hunting the last one down to try for my third, Yes when we have had past bad experiences we can take them out on the wrong person as we need to talk about how this has affected us so we vent and its all negative because your marriage and divorse was a very bad time for you love.
I agree with your g/f you need to see a counsellor I have seen one and its the best thing in the world to help you overcome so many problems that even you dont no your having with the bitter feelings you are left with, Your having fantasys about other women wanting to go and test the water so to speak, You could go and do this and go from woman to woman and never finding what you have right now. But if that is how you feel then I guess it a chance only you can take, But before you make any decitions like this go and get some help for your past memorys its not your fault sweetheart and its not your g/fs either but it would help you so much and after you feel better in yourself you will be able to make decitions about your life so much easier.
You are only taking it out on her because she is the closest person to you and you want her to go away as you dont no who you are anymore, This divorse has now been settled (YES) and its when the land settles that we tend to think more about ourselves and how unhappy we are because of all the crap we have gone through, Sort out that crap like an untidy room and there is more room to think hunny.
There is a book called life after divorse Ill sent you a link for it hunny as I cant remember who its by and you could order that for some guidence
http://www.amazon.com/Life-After-Divorce-Bobbie-Reed/dp/0570046149
I hope this helps hunny TAKE CARE OF YOU WITH LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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