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*age
writes: I am 17, and my boyfriend is 23, almost 24. We are in a hushed hushed relationship because of the age difference and I know my parents would disapprove. He also has a 2 year old girl. (I'm slightly jelous of that, but nothing to be done...) I feel like I'm over my head sometimes. Like I've brought on to much to myself to handle. He cheated on me before for about 3 months. But that was a long time ago. But still. I feel overwhelmed sometimes, like I either can't entirly let go of the happening, and his baby girl... I'm just a child myself. I love him, and I know he loves me too and want to marry one day. I just wish I met him when I was a little older. Have I've bitten off more than I can chew? We've already made it this far despite everything, do you think there is any hope of going all the way? Is there to much baggage in this relationship to save? If two people sencerly from the very bottome of there heart love each other, can this be over come?
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female
reader, vixsfix +, writes (23 March 2006):
 Ok, well the age gap isn't that huge really, and I completely appreciate the need for an older man at out age, wh wants a snotty 17 yrs old who still finds amusement in flicking paper across the room and goes a deep shade of red at the mention of any taboo subject such as periods and sex?!?
Our problem is the parents, they need hell of time to get used to the idea.
Slipping in things like he's mature, i feel safe with him he can protect me all those kinds of things r important, my 22 yr old bf nearly died of fright upon meetin my dad, he was convinced dad was going to take him aside and give him 'a talking to'
Your parents are probably just as anxious as you about all these new things coming up in you r life so try to be gentle with them.
As for the other problems just take them nice and slow, you need to be evaluating the situation and dealing with things bit by bit.
He's cheated so there may be trust issues that you have to get through, do this by being honest and make sure you talk all the time.
In relation to his daughter don't be jealous but embrace the little person that has so much joy to bring, in time she wil grow to love you and it will be great.
Hope it helps, now it's all down to you and your bf.
Good luck x x x
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female
reader, mystify +, writes (5 March 2006):
 this age gap isnt so bad, my husband was 16 /17 when we got together( it was his birthday) i was 24 and had a 1 year old son , now we are happily married with 2 kids.
of course he felt completely overwhelmed sometimes, but so did i , id go with the flow , if its not too bad for you , just take a step back and stop analysing, i asume this child of his has a mother , you could be the cool young auntie, if this man is what you want.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (27 February 2006):
 I don't have a crystal ball of course, and I don't want to sound the Death Knell for your relationship, but you really have to ask yourself if you two are on the same "page" in your lives.
You might be quite mature in your outlook and ready to take on being stepmother to his daughter. (If you did get married, you'd have an instant family, and be legally a guardian for this little girl you're "jealous" of. Please consider that.) And he just might be a bit youngish and still taking his time about growing up, so that you have things in common right now.
But the fact remains that you're still quite young, and in a few years you'll be a completely different person. I've written this suggestion before to other question-askers, but the advice still stands: ask your older friends, particularly any in their 20s, whether they have the same values and outlook that they had at 17. Chances are they'll laugh heartily and assure you that they've changed beyond recognition since then.
The reason I mention this is that the next few years of your life are going to change you, too. As you start moving in the adult world, you get exposure to other influences, philosophies and ideas. Post-secondary education opens your mind to different ways of seeing the world. The end result is that you tend to lose the black-and-white perspective that you have on the world at 17.
What this can mean is that a lot of people in their late-teens tend to "outgrow" boyfriends and romantic relationships. It's normal for everyone.
What I would hate to think happens in your case is that you stick around with this relationship that you have to keep secret from your parents, and possibly become a fixture in the life of an innocent toddler -- only to find in a couple of years that you're bored and ready to move on.
So think hard about what you want out of your life, when (if ever) you imagine getting married and/or having kids of your own. Could you handle the responsibilities of step-parenthood? Do you want to?
Please don't be rushed into marriage, because you "don't want to hurt his feelings". I did that (married my 26 year old BF when I was 17) and regretted it every day for the next seven years, until we divorced.
Also, please consider that you can love someone with your entire heart, and still not be a suitable marriage partner for that person. Love isn't like a gold ring on the carousel. There are lots of opportunities and love can come around more than once in your life.
I guess it sounds like I'm counselling you to break up with your boyfriend. I don't mean to, and I don't necessarily mean I think you should. Just don't feel rushed into anything. Take lots of time and don't do anything until you feel sure about it. He's a bit older and might be getting ready to settle down, but that doesn't mean you have to.
Good luck with it.
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