| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. He is a really great guy he takes really good care of me. The problem is I am 26 weeks pregnant and all of a sudden he doesn't want sex. He says he just doesnt think about anymore. He swears it isn't me. He said he really isn't sure what is wrong. I have asked him many times if there is someone else and he says no. I feel like part of the problem is me. I am very insecure and I don't know how to overcome it. Can someone tell me what they think? I need help. I about to go crazy.
View related questions:
insecure Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2006): This is taken from my post at another thread called "I've just had a baby and now my bf doesnt want sex with me!!"--You know I hate to ruin what others think about why their bf's don't want to have sex with their ladies after giving birth, but say my gf/wife just gave birth to our child, I also wouldn't want to have sex with her. There's a different sense suddenly. Vulgarly put, our child just came out of her vagina!Really think about this. If it were me and my gf/wife, the thought of sex isn't as emotionally orgasmic as having my try at parenthood. I would like to be there for my partner and baby - the whole mentality changes. I would feel very warm and fuzzy that the woman I love and adore has given birth to our child. Sex has become so far away in my mind because all I really want to do is take care of her and the baby. It's different. I won't look at my partner less attractively. It's just different. I don't know how to explain it.Maybe a bit later, I don't know how long, we'll do it again, but for now, my mind, my focus, my everything is on the well-being of my partner's health and our baby's health and happiness. Understand? [sigh]--
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2006): Becoming a father is a pretty awesome responsibility - it changes your life forever. Were you guys planning on getting pregnant? If not, your bf must have an awful lot of thoughts and emotions that he's having to process right now. And even if you were, there may be a lot of things that have only come up now that it's actually REAL.
It's possible that he's worried about what the sex might do to the baby. It's possible he's worried about this without even knowing that he's worried about it.
It'd be theoretically possible that the changes in your body are contributing to his lack of interest in sex, but it seems pretty unlikely to me. If the only thing going on was that he didn't find you attractive anymore, he wouldn't be disinterested in sex generally - he just wouldn't feel like having sex with you. But it doesn't sound like that's what's going on. So put your mind at ease on that one. It's normal for women to have insecurities about the changes pregnancy brings to their bodies, so it'd be understandable if you were getting freaked out that he just doesn't find you sexy anymore. But honestly, that doesn't sound like what's happening. It sounds like he's very doting, which suggests he's amazed and in awe of the fact that you're carrying his child. It may not be sexy in the same way as a Playboy centerfold, but it's something a heck of a lot stronger.
My guess is that your bf is just trying to sort through all the changes that are about to take place. Change is stressful - even the really, really happy change. You said he takes really good care of you - that's stressful too, even though he loves doing it. He's got a lot on his mind and is under a lot of stress. In that situation, it's completely and totally normal for a guy to lose interest in sex for a while.
Try to take a deep breath and remember that the pregnancy hormones make everything seem more dramatic than it is. Focus on how much he loves you and how great he is. Try to imagine how many thoughts must be running through his head all the time. And then, try to talk to him about it. Not as a way of getting him to be interested in sex again - that kind of pressure isn't what he needs. Talk to him about the coming changes just because you love him and you sense that's what he needs. Then give him time to adjust and know that when your sex life does eventually get back on track, it's going to be that much greater and more powerful b/c the two of you are about to be bonded in a way that is stronger than anything you've ever known before.
Congrats on the baby and good luck!!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2006): Maybe he is worried about the impact on the baby. Some people get scared that sex will hurt the baby.... maybe he doesn't want you to feel like you have to have sex and potentially hurt the baby.That is just a guess...
...............................
|
