A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ahhhh, I feel decieved... and dissapointed in myself for letting it get to that. Was he a professional slimeball, or did he have feelings?I had known him for 4/5 years. Met on a night out, but we lived in different countries. I got a boyfriend anyway for 3/4 years, and then went travelling. So I was then single again. We had kept up with contact the whole time, and whilst I travelled, it was non stop email tennis. He then came to visit me twice, and I went away with him, in his country but to a different county to where he lived. It was gorgeous, and whenever we met up he put in a lot of thought and effort, time and money!We did end up taking things further too. as there was a lot of chemisty. and it felt naturally right.I got to a point where i needed to confront what we were upto. because he was looking into booking up a 4th meeting, but i was starting to notice less consistency. he said, he sees it as 2 parts our relationship, the good friends part, and the part we enjoy when we meet. with the distance issue, he was always conscious about progressing the 2nd part too much. but if i cant seperate the two, then fair enough.wishy washy cool as ice, wants his cake and eat it talk to me.I'm just shocked I think, that someone would put that much effort for a bit of 'cake' I let him initiate the meet ups mostly, and let him initate post meet up contact first, id always be polite and say very nice weekend thank you very much. But then leave the rest up to him. He would email a lot and text a hell of a lot, asking what I am upto etc.then in the end 'you get so serious at times' after i confronted it. and said lets go back to doing what we do best 'being mates'I feel like I was completely fooled?? or was he very lonely? or is he being defensive? well whatever of the 3, he can't have been interested or something I said that might have put him off. my humour did get a little arrogant/cheeky, but then so was his.Just can it realy go back to mates? Im not sure I even want his respect anymore, am i taking it all too seriously???
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI came to a new conclusion today!
I researched into the psychology of why people ' keep their options open' and i learned all about the traits of emotionally unavailable men. he got tick tick tick big time.
i certainly wasnt the last, and definately wont be the last girl he woos. I know he was into me more than I was into him, my intuition told me so. people around always told me so. I knew there was something more to this situation than him just getting what he wants, yeah he did.. but he is too scared to let anyone in to have a committed relationship, it correlates with all the stories he has told me about past girls!
he was longing to have a good relationship with someone, and always got depressed so bad about this and other things so easily.
and he is friends with pretty much all his past relations, and taps into them every so often for an ego massage, or even a quick lay. he always called them exes, which i thought weird because a sex buddy isnt an ex?
For him to sum it up so cooly and harshly, just shows he was too scared to be made a fool out if i was to reject him, or see him for his true value.
I know this may sound like I am convincing myself that it wasnt the case of 'he just wasnt into me' but i let him initiate, he sent me special songs, and did the hand holding, and the romantic walks etc etc, i never showed him how i felt.
Its been a whirlwind, but i actually got more good out of it than harm!
and actually feel really happy for having learned so much from the situation. i dont even feel used, or manipulated, i just feel so sad for him. (well for a split second anyway)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for you replies.
it was just mental really, feels like a real whirlwind the last 4 months, I was super happy doing my single thang, but he has been the first person to be able to challenge me mentally, as in the banter and general opinions and life stuff. He spent 3 years of non flirt talk when i was with my boyfriend. Then when I became single, started to muscle in. Theatre plays, fancy restaurants, gorgeous coastal visits, thoughtful thingsl, just wanting to sit around in cafes and pubs chatting. Talked about his friends, family and life a lot to me.
Hold my hand, kiss my head and go on romantic walks/trips inbetween the pally pub stuff and the bedroom stuff. which is where I got confused.
Just was shocked, that when i confronted what is this all about, he came across as so distant and harsh...
I dont think I could go back to friendship, you cannot fix a broken egg! I have deleted him from all possible avenues. Is a shame it ended like this I guess. Thats why I wrote on here really, because I just am a little astonished by it all, and wanted to check other peoples thoughts! It is also like loosing a good mate - the pre last 4 month meet ups.
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A
female
reader, angelicus +, writes (22 September 2010):
Time to move on seems to shout loud and clear - where do you want to be in the future? Still humming and haaing over what seems to be a disjointed relationship? It is so hard to make a break as so many songs point out but you will feel so much better and maybe meeting a new boyfriend at 25 is what you really need. Enjoy yourself for a while and your new found happiness will attract others and this one will be forgotten.So many people are taken in at times and it is easy to do so dont blame yourself its not a crime! You answered yourself when you said you dont think you want his respect any more! Hope this helps xx
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A
female
reader, tblondie1826  +, writes (22 September 2010):
It really depends on what you are looking for. If you only want sex then stick with him if not move on cause that seems like all he wants. And he is trying to keep in contact with you to keep tabs on you. Making sure no other man is gonna try to sweep you off your feet, but committing to you just isn't his thing. I may be wrong, but I was in a similar situation a little while back. It was long distance, but only by 2 1/2 hrs. We talked a month or so before we actually hung out alone, I met him in person through friends. The night we did hang out was the last night before he moved. We made out the first night, he kind of pushed it. But anyway we kept in contact and then 2 months later I went to visit him and we ended up sleeping together. Multiple times during that 2 months I asked him if we are together and he asked me just to come see him so we can go on a real date, which we did. He avoided the topic the whole time I was there. On the car ride home he texted me that he doesn't really put labels on things...and of course I knew where that was leading. After that we didn't talk for a bit till he came to town. He came to see me, and others, and we only met up for a short time and only because I was afraid I was pregnant....we didn't talk much it was more of him trying to wrap his head around it. Anyway after that we kept in contact till I found out I wasn't and then he stopped talking to me. So this went back and forth till I realized this "relationship" was killing me and I loved him and he didn't even care about me, even though he claimed to. We stopped talking for a while then he was in town again and asked to see me, Well Now I have a boyfriend so I didn't go. Then I stopped communication again, I deleted him number ages ago. He found me on facebook and tried communicating with me there....But antway, if you want love I suggest moving on.
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