A
female
age
30-35,
*alu
writes:(sorry that it's so long) a couple of months ago i got drunk coz my 'friend' spiked my drinks and that night i was sleeping round her friends(John*) house he is about 22-23 he takes drugs n was waiting to go to court for grh(grevious bodily harm) his friend(tom*)who is about 18 was sleeping over that night as well. that night for a dare i snogged everyone there and tom kept pushing me down onto the floor and climing over me snogging me and putting his hands on my breasts and groping me i kept trying to stop him but then he forced my hands to the ground i told him to stop before i hurt myself then he started fingering me i kept telling him to stop coz it was hurting and i tried to get away from him but he just kept pushing my back onto the floor.tom, my friend and john just laughed at me (then john did the same thing to her but she enjoyed it). he stopped n left and i sorted myself out but i fell asleep n the next morning only me n my friend were there. what i want to know is, is what happend classed as rape? and what can i do about it if it is seeing as i don't remember what he looks like and i don't know his full name. i feel really used and i can't look this boy i like in the eyethanks xxhaluxx
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316  +, writes (5 February 2010):
 You are welcome for anything I can do to help. I am so proud of you for making some changes and picking some new friends! BRAVO!!!! Hang in and let God take you thru step by step. It's been awhile since I have been here too due to ill health. May God continue to bless you!
BLUE_ANGEL0316
^(**)^
A
female
reader, halu +, writes (29 November 2009):
halu is verified as being by the original poster of the question thanks for all your advise and help. i know i was an absolute idiot. i should have been more carefull. still trial and error. i managed to sort everything out i've got some new friends who aren't in that scene and who don't pressure me into something i don't wanna do. i still haven't reported it but i haven't seen him since. it's not brilliant but i'm happy now and thats really what counts. (i know it's been ages[over a year!!] since i last posted but CW has gotten in the waythanks again for all your helpHalu xx
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A
male
reader, PHOBIA MAN +, writes (5 January 2009):
regardlessof the technicalities of the term 'rape' you were molested by a rapist, get help, get legal, get him jailed before he does it to some other silly girl (yes you were, and you know it!)this was tantermount to smoking in firework factory, you have no need for guilt but you should choose to use better judgement in future, if your nights out involve drugs or debauched sex then F**KING RUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!!!!!! (sorry for language, just making strong point)
get some therapy, you could probably do with it!
take care!!
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A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (18 November 2008):
It could be hard to prove if you do try to prosecute. You were molested and lucky that it didn't go further. You don't know for sure who is he or what he even looks like so you are going to find it hard to get anything done. You have to know that someone else not only saw but would be willing to testify in court for you to get a conviction.
You can report it however and at least there will be a record concerning the molestation. It would surely have been Rape had he penentrated you. You were definately a victim of SEXUAL Assault. As for the friends who stood by and laughed while it was going on...Time to get new friends.
Walk away from the group you are hanging with, the alcohol and drugs are going to drag you down. There is no telling what might happen to you next time. At least you did have the courage to say STOP! In that you have no shame. Count your blessings and move on in a different direction away from the so called *FRIENDS who witnessed the ASSAULT and didn't think enough of you to even try and stop him.
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
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A
female
reader, Cassandra18 +, writes (9 November 2008):
more like molested... tell someone about it.. get him locked up
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A
female
reader, halu +, writes (8 November 2008):
halu is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks she was one of my best friends coz she always helped me n i never thought she was like that and john wasn't her boyfriend he was just a friend and her supplier.i can't press charges coz i don't remember what he looks like or his full name and i haven't seen either of those men since and my friend wont testify for me because when i brought up what happened that night she just kept saying how great the night was n how nothing that i've said happened n that i was just imagining it when i know she's lieing but thanks for your advise haluxx
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A
male
reader, Sandman +, writes (8 November 2008):
 What happened to you was unfortunate. I don't want to get all preachy, but this is a prime example of why it is so important to KNOW who your friends are and whether or not you can trust them.
What happened to you is called Sexual Assault. It is defined on wiki as:
"Sexual assault is any assault of a sexual nature on another person. Though sexual assaults most frequently are by a man on a woman, it may be of a man on a man, woman on a man or woman on a woman. What constitutes a sexual assault is determined by the laws of the jurisdiction where the assault takes place, which vary considerably, and are influenced by local social and cultural attitudes. It has been said that sexual assault includes rape, forced vaginal, anal or oral penetration, forced sexual intercourse, inappropriate touching, forced kissing, child molestation and the torture of the victim in a sexual manner."
So, groping your breasts, fingering you, and "snogging" you can all be considered sexual assault and is punishable by law. The unfortunate thing about this is if you choose to press charges, you have to prove this even took place. That may mean getting your friend and her boyfriend to testify against the man who assaulted you. Because there may be no physical evidence, it will become an issue of whether or not the judge/jury believes without any doubt this even took place.
However, if you choose not to press charges, I would implore you to reevaluate your "friends" and decide whether or not the people you feel are your friends really have your best interest at heart. A true friend will never allow another friend to be sexually assaulted right in front of her (or him). A friend would try to help in any way they can to ensure your safety. Your "friends" would not spike your drinks.
I went to a party once and EVERYONE there was drunk. There was a mixture of men and women. One woman got so drunk that she passed out in one of the rooms. Her "friend" was supposed to make sure she was alright but left her in the room by herself and laughed at her because she was so drunk. Other people started entering the room to relax as the night wore on and so did I. I noticed some of the guys in the room messing with her - laughing about how drunk she was. But then the guys started touching her and feeling on her. I noticed one guy put his hand in her shirt. When she didn't respond, he prompted another person to shut the door. The girls in the room all just say and watched as the men started putting their hands in her pants and fingering her. One guy began taking his belt loose - that is when I left the room and got the owner of the house (my friend). I told him about the young woman being passed out in the room and that I believed the men were getting ready to assault her. He quickly intervened and got all the men out of the room. She was safe - at least for one more drunken night. But her friend was nowhere to be found.
I tell you that because I didn't know the young woman, but I knew that what was going on was wrong. And just because she was not coherent enough to tell them no, doesn't mean they can do that to her. You told him no, and he should have responded accordingly. But he didn't. Instead, he used forced and brute strength to overpower you and do things to you that you told him not to do - WHILE YOUR FRIENDS WATCHED!
Are those the kinds of friends you want? Friends who sit by and watch you get hurt? Or do you want friends that will chime in and say "hey, she said stop!"
Think about it.
Hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, benefattore +, writes (8 November 2008):
 Yes, you were raped... and I'm so sorry.
It doesn't matter if there was pentration involved or not. He forced you to do something you didn't want to do.
Ask other people who were there if they know his name or what he looked like, etc.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2008): You said stop, but he kept going. He FORCED you down. That is 100% rape.
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