A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am 35, on the fast slide to 36 and I have decided I would like to have a child. Unfortunately, I am experiencing that common problem of a partner (39) who has decided the opposite.We have a strong, loving relationship. We both share strong ethical values. He has indicated he has some desire to be a father, but given issues of overpopulation and global warming he doesn't think he should have a child. For him it seems to be a question of values/ethics. I'm a bit stuck. Anyone got any advice? I am aware my biological time is running out.Lou Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2008): Why not adopt? It wouldn't add another person to the planet and the two of you could provide a loving home to a child in need.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (4 May 2008):
 Global warming and overpopulation do exist in the world, but, unless I'm wrong, overpopulation is not a problem in Australia. I guess that if he lived in my region he would use poverty as another excuse, just as people used to blame the Catholic Church for their desire to have many children.
He doesn't want kids, period, and he's using some hard-to-believe excuses. Of course, that doesn't mean that his wish is any less legitimate.
There's no middle ground here. Either you stay with him, without a child, or you leave. Leaving seems a bad option.
I wonder if you discussed this issue of children before. If you did, and it was clear he didn't want them, then you have a greater problem. If you didn't, there's just a difference of wishes.
All the best.
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A
female
reader, Pandora15  +, writes (4 May 2008):
He's not going to change his mind. You aren't going to change your mind. If you force him to, he'll resent you all his life. If you never get a child, you'll resent him all his life. This is a relationship buster and is not a negotiable thing. Give him one last conversational chance and tell him straight:I know we have a strong loving relationship __________, but I want a child more then anything. It is something that I need in my life as I feel my biological time coming out. So I want to know right now yes or no, do you want to have a child with me in the next five years?If he says yes, good you'll be having a child and he's gotten over his theories.If he says no, he's not going to change his opinion and you'd be sitting in a relationship resenting him over not having a child. So unless you decide to adopt one of those overpopulated children, I think it's best that you leave this relationship and find some other wonderful man that wants to have a child with you. It may be hard, but in the end if he doesn't want a child ..your life goals don't match up and it will only end in heartache and resentment.
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