A
female
age
,
*avajive
writes:I have been desperately trying to lose weight since the birth of my son 5 years ago, when I gained a hefty 30 kgs. I have lost 12, but have struggled to lose anything else. Recent blood tests revealed that I have Insulin Resistance and a sluggish thyroid. I have been put on a very strict diet to try and reverse the IR and so far have managed to loose 7lb since Christmas. Trouble is, my partner, every evening, without fail will eat chocolates in front of me, and has done so for a very long time. He keeps stashes of them at home. When I told him how difficult it is for me when I am trying to lose weight, and that some support would be nice (particulary with PMT as well) he said that he should be able to eat what he likes wherever he likes without feeling guilty. When I tried the tack of leaving the room, he accuses me of 'storming off.'He's 40.What should I do?
View related questions:
christmas, lose weight Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, javajive +, writes (13 January 2008):
javajive is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for your great advice, I am feeling much more supported now because you were caring enough to share your thoughts with me.Interestingly enough, since my partner and I had that conversation, although he reacted angrily at the time, he has not eaten chocolate in front of me, and doesn't seem to be too perturbed about it either. So I am happy now, hopefully my man will feel happier because I'm happier, I will do lots of extra nice things for him and peace and harmony will reign once more. However if he slips back into his chocolate eating ways, I have some excellent advice here to fall back on.Thank you all so muchxx
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (12 January 2008):
 You've identified that you have some issues you're dealing with. That is good. You say you have s sluggish thyroid, pmt and you leave the room when he snacks. Although it might be nice if he didn't snack, it is your problem, not his. As a couple it affects both of you but you're passing your frustration on to him. You've decided that he can no longer enjoy things he likes because you have an issue. Since it's not a life or death issue, you're asking a lot of him. When you leave the room, do you do it nicely or do you throw up your arms and mumble something as you're leaving?
...............................
A
female
reader, Midge  +, writes (12 January 2008):
 Well I think you are doing the best thing possible by proving to him how important it is for you to loose the weight. Yes it is hard to watch someone eating a bar or chocolate etc in front of you, but in the end, who is going to be the one laughing at who? You will be the gorgeous thin one who he is not going to be able to keep his hands off, and you will be in the position to say, no thanks!
It sounds terrible but it does work! I put on almost 20kgs when I moved country. I just kept eating when I missed my family or things werent going the way I wanted them too. I met my boyfriend who is a wonderful man, and who I love dearly but he too is a chocaholic! He used to sit in front of me and eat slabs of chocolate and used to get me to buy them for him. It upset me because I was really struggling to loose the weight! I went on all sorts of diets but found them really hard. One day just like you, I confronted him telling him how I felt and that he just wasnt giving me the support I REALLY needed to beat this. He too told me that he should be able to eat what he wants when he wants and how much he wants. So I did it on my own and lost all the weight!
After that, he was so romantic and literally couldnt keep his hands off me. So I used to play the card that I dont see why we should be intimate now that I have lost the weight, since you didnt support me and that I would have been this thin a long time ago had he helped me.
It was an eye opener for him, and it was great amunition for me. Now if I put on any weight and decide to go on a diet or change my eating habbits, he is the most supporting person you could ever imagine!
Blackmail, but good blackmail! Makes them open their eyes to more than just their own feelings!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2008): This is pretty common, people in your life are used to their relationship with the former you, and feel threatened by the possibility of the new you...your boyfriend/husband may fear that you will cheat on him or leave him if you become thin, as this will obviously boost your self esteem and you might go off looking for the affirmation from strangers that you indeed are an desirable woman...cut him some slack, don't expect him to be supportive and realize that these are his issues, deal with them as such...do not internalize his attitude and continue on with your goals of losing the weight, he will be fine if you don't go off and have an affair, but reassure him that you want to be healthy and look great for HIM as well as for your self.
...............................
A
female
reader, LULU'S Advice +, writes (11 January 2008):
 I have struggled with my weight for the last 17 years.Join a weight watchers club and you'll have plenty of support.I know it would be nice to have your husbands support but it doesn't sound like your going to get it.Prove to him and more importantly yourself that you don't need him to achieve things in your life.Good luck xx
...............................
|
