A
male
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:ok so i am 13 and i have a major crush on a guy im bi-sexual. i have a girlfriend but i really like him he is so hot but theres a problem, we dont know each other too well and i have 1 period with him in which we are across the room from each other! also i dont know if he is straight or gay he has shown 1 teensy sign to me that he might be gay but other than that nothing so im left copletely in the dark about that plus im not sure if i jusf want to ask him if he is because im afraid he will freak out and for instance if he does he might tell his sister she is a really nice girl but she will make anything spread like wild fire what do i do?!?!
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2015): If you've only got a teensy suspicion he is gay, that is not enough.
You don't go around "guessing" if people are gay. It can be quite dangerous for you if you're wrong! It can also hurt someone's feelings thinking they are gay, if they are not.
Besides, there isn't much to go by with someone who is only 13!!! Everyone isn't as sure as you are. Nor so certain of a sexual preference barely out of puberty!!!
Being as young as you are, you might find it easier to just attempt to be friends; and let secrets reveal themselves as the guy learns to trust you.
Now let's also remember you have a girlfriend, and her feelings are important. You don't just dump people and go for the next person you like that comes along. So you have to be faithful to the person you're with; because you can hurt them if they really care about you.
You're just a kid. So you'll want and like somebody different every other week or so. Don't go around guessing another person's sexual-orientation. You're going to see a lot of people you think are pretty cute. You'll be looking for clues if they are gay or bisexual too. That might be a little risky for you. Some guys get mean and violent, if they are homophobic. You might also "out" someone before they're ready, and that can be very upsetting. So you don't go around blatantly asking if they are, or making the moves on them. Then rumors start, and that can be pretty awful. Rumors spread fast.
One person at a time, kiddo!
A
female
reader, LiveAnnLearn  +, writes (3 May 2015):
 Edit: I misread a part of your question as "I HAD a girlfriend" - I'd just like to add it's not ok to be thinking about hooking up with someone else behind her back, even if you are just 13 it's not - consider her feelings as well. If you don't like her it's only fair to end the "relationship" before starting to look for a new bf/gf.
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A
male
reader, lawncare  +, writes (3 May 2015):
 Regardless of the whole sexuality issue, you have a girlfriend. Unless she has said that she is cool with your pursuit of others, I suggest that you deal with that person, - that human being - first. You owe her that much, even at your age.
Were you to go through with this, you'd be abandoning a known (a relationship) for a double unknown (even if he is gay or bi, he might not like you). Whilst it wouldn't be the first stupid idea by a person on this planet, I urge you not to make it at least until you have some better information. Especially when fellow students can be total assholes and you clearly fear the gossip.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (3 May 2015):
 Once a secret is shared it is no longer a secret. You don't know him well enough to be able to trust his reaction; plus he may not be as sure as you about his orientation.
Since you are not too keen on your likes and orientation being spread around the school like wildfire then the best solution would be to back off until there is a more definite demonstration of his orientation.
As you have a girlfriend he may already have concluded that you are 100 % hetrosexual.
Is there any need for urgency re this crush?
Can you set it aside for a period of time?
Because it is likely that he will be in your class for a few years.
And if he is not gay, or not ready to reveal that he might be gay then it could end badly for you and you'll still have to see him daily in class
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A
female
reader, LiveAnnLearn +, writes (3 May 2015):
I wouldn't risk it, the consequences could be too big, like if he wasn't gay and the whole school would find out about you asking, wouldn't that make your life harder? You're young and there will be plenty of time in life to freely approach guys or girls you like, in this case I'd say it's too risky to ask him openly.
Maybe you know some of his friends who could let you in on some details and help you figure out if he's into guys or not? Just be careful, and by the way I think it's so cool and brave of you at such young age to be considering how to get together with someone you like, with such hands on approach ;)
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