A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I work in a small office of about a dozen people. A few weeks ago, a new colleague joined the team - a girl of similar age to me. From the first moment, I knew she was really special. She's beautiful, smart, wonderfully kind, friendly and easy to talk to. I've never had this kind of connection with a girl before. I feel happier just being around her. I have never had the courage to ask her if she feels even slightly like I do, but I just sense there's something there - something I've not really known or felt with anyone else before. Maybe I'm just deluding myself though! I've never been in a serious relationship, but part of the reason why I never pursued relationships is I'd never found someone I felt so comfortable spending time with. Call me traditional, but I think part of me was always waiting for the right person and the right chance...But we're such a small office... everyone knows everyone. I really worry about the reaction it would cause if I even tried to make a move. If she said yes, I fear we would just make things incredibly awkward for everyone else - and I don't want things to change like that. And if she said no, it's the sort of office where nothing stays secret for very long - plus, I don't want to risk changing or breaking our friendship.I've never been in a position like this before, so I'd really appreciate your advice on what to do next. Do I just wait and see what happens? Should I keep my feelings to myself and let things run their course? Some people would probably say "ah, man up and just ask her out" - but it isn't like we're at school and it won't lead anywhere or have consequences. I just want to judge this right...! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2015): Answers to questions often get repetitive, mainly because people ask the same questions over and over.
Your place of employment is not where you look for dates. Being in a small office, if you make a move; and it goes badly. You will make it incredibly awkward for yourself, and even worse for the newcomer.
Attractive women have it worse in the office than attractive men. Men are more forward and more likely to take a chance at making a move. I run a department of 25 people; with a total of 186 employees throughout our company. As a manager, I've had a lot of experience with people attempting office romances. Some go terribly sour, and it's obvious to everyone. It often effects productivity and office-morale. The general consensus among females is, they prefer men not to approach them when they're at work. A professional-environment is not conducive to romance. You're on the clock! We don't pay people to schmooze.
You're an American, and you know how litigious our society is. Sexual-harassment being one of the most popular among liabilities for businesses; because younger people don't seem to know professional boundaries. Therefore; we have to have seminars to teach them what is appropriate, and what is not. Working for a large corporation, there are very rigid policies where I work. Ethics manuals are handed out to all new employees, and the policies are clear.
If you want to keep your job, and keep things professional as they should be. Try searching for available women away from your office. That minimizes any chance of running into awkward situations. That attractive woman can go to work and not have to fend-off unwanted advances. She may flat-out reject you. Then your feelings will be hurt, and your ego will take a blow. Admire from afar, and let the attraction pass. Control your hormones.
Hey, if you happen to run into each other far from the office; and she seems receptive to your interest. Proceed with caution. You're on your own time, and off the premises of your job.
It also keeps the liability of your company lower. What you do in your private time is nobody's business.
A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (3 May 2015):
 You are definitively infatuated. You may know that she is the one, that's happen before with men, but does she feel that you are the one for her? Making sure that she feels that you are her guy is more important than then what people in that tiny office feel. So explore her, explore what she likes, is into, what she craves...
One thing that women love is positive attention, praise and assurance about who they are and what they're doing. So give her that and everything else will come together all of a sudden
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 May 2015):
 She has been there a few week so... pump your break with all this "OH I LOVE HER" talk. You are infatuated by her, I get that but just slow down a tad.
GET to know her. Who knows maybe she already HAS a BF and then your declaration will lead only to AWKWARDNESS!
Why not ask her if she wants to join you for lunch one day? that way it still looks pretty "innocent" and you get a chance to talk to her and get to know her.
I'd tread carefully here. She is a coworker and it's a small office.
I usually go with the "don't crap where you eat" (don't date at your place of employment) because it can cause a lot more drama than it's worth.
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A
female
reader, LiveAnnLearn  +, writes (3 May 2015):
 I think you're way to smitten with her to be able to be just friends, at least judging by the way you write about her :) I think connections like that are rare, and worth pursuing. I'd say make a move, but don't seem too serious about it. Ask her out somewhere where you will be alone, but casual enough that if she says no there's nothing anyone could say about it. If she would say yes and your time together would go well, maybe then talk to her about it. If you're both on the same page and careful about it, it shouldn't make things awkward for anyone. Good luck! :)
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