A
female
age
41-50,
*issmom
writes:My husband of 17 years has been cross dressing since before we married. I didnt think much of it 19 or so years ago when it was minor and more of a naughty fettish of sorts, but now......Over the past 10 years, it had gotten crazy out of control!!It has progressed to a point of nearly an entire wardrobe of ladies clothing, most can pass as either gender, but I still know. He goes bra shopping and gets fitted alone. If he isnt working, he is always in bra and panties and on days off, he wears girly frilly things untill the kids come home from school. He really goes for the gusto when he is in the house alone so I know there is alot he is still hiding from me. His fav gifts are makeup and girly clothes. I havent brought myself to break down and truly tell him everything and to the extent that this bothers me. I hate that I need and the kids need to knock on the bedroom door before entering. (yes, cetain times of course but every waking min he is home is another story). I guess I am a bit of a coward in not mentioning it but there is never an opportune time.T do it while I reject sexual interest would make him sad, rejected, selfconsious, and just pittyful. He can be very sissy and needy. If I do it at an aggrivated time, it makes it in spite and out of anger and I really think I would go a bit over the top at this stage. Can I bring it up out of the blue, I dont know. I think I may be at the breaking point but dont know when it's a deal breaker. I hate to be the person not accepting of the way another person is, it would be the same as he not wanting me because I am over weight, or any other superficial reason. I am at the point that there is no intimacy on my part, it is more of a chore to fake any kind of sexual interest. I am so afraid that if this is who he is, he cant change it. If this is who he is, do I have the right to ask him to change? And the scary part, We have benn married for 17 years and have a few children. Is it really worth the fight when 2 personalities crash like this to stay and try to change what may not be able to be changed.
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (22 September 2010):
 It is awesome that you have been so tolerant and understanding so far. And I do think that your problem must be really hard on you. Have you two tried counseling? That may help both of you find a happy balance in your marriage, since it seems that you can possibly find a compromise where both can be happy. Maybe counseling can help both of you find more of a comfortable place in your marriage, like it was 10 years ago. Maybe even better!
I wouldn't give up on this marriage yet. It doesn't say anywhere whether you still love each other. It sounds like you do, if you're still together and trying. I think that you probably have a few more avenues to try before you accept that you are too different and want lives far too incompatible with each other. Good luck!
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