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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a question about love. People who are in love, did you fall in love right away or did it take time? When you met your love, did you ever have doubts in the beginning or were you confident he or she was the one? I recently met someone I really connected with. At times I feel like he's the right one for me but it has only been a couple of weeks of really getting to know each other and I feel like I should know by now if I would love him. But it feels like too much pressure and apprehension. It is scary. Is that normal to feel this way about someone you like? I don't want to start something yet but I like him. Is that how it works? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys. I will definitely take it very slow. I can't say that I am in love but I also feel so great around this person. I have never experienced this sort of connection before. I will take that as a good sign and see where it goes.
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male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (29 May 2014):
"Love is patient and kind; it is not jealous or conceited or proud; love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up; and its faith, hope, and patience never fail."
Notice...Love is PATIENT :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2014): Wow, I feel like a hopeless romantic reading the others' responses!It took me a year, maybe even more, to fall in love with my ex, who I started dating when we were 19. I thought that was how love was, you found someone you liked and over time it built up into something more and more as you got to know them. As he's now my ex, it obviously didn't work out that way! I don't think I ever did LOVE love him, because the love that grew was out of a strong friendship rather than an all consuming passion. I have friends that I probably love as much as I loved him. When I met my boyfriend (I'm 28 now) I knew straight away there would be something between us and within a month I was in love with him. It's not been all plain sailing, but I still feel as strongly about him now as I did when we were first together, three years ago. He is my one and he is mine. I knew I would love him straight away and I know that we will always be together. So. Make of that what you will.
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reader, Mark1978  +, writes (28 May 2014):
 Hello,
Real love; proper grown up, sensible, long lasting love takes time. Loving someone is about loving their personality, their quirky ways, their way of making us feel good, their ability to problem solve, the way they handle issues, the way they support us through good times and bad and how they interact with ourselves and others. That takes time to experience.
I don't think you should be too concerned about love after a couple of weeks of knowing someone. That's way too soon. For the first few weeks/months in a relationship we are on our best behaviour, are keen to please and conscious of not wanting to appear boring or moody or what have you. Its only after a few months that we see someone's true colours as we learn to be more relaxed in each others company, and more willing to speak up or challenge. I met a wonderful woman recently who I felt was amazing only for her to be more moody, stroppy, adolescent and controlling six months down the line. I have had girlfriends who were terrific when things were going well, only to find them to be incompatible when we hit problems or I had an issue in my life outside of the relationship.
Some people believe in love at first sight, but realistically, you cannot really know a person well enough until you have spent plenty of time with them. Excitement and attraction can make us blind to reality. I have met women who I was besotted with immediately, only to realize quite soon after meeting that I was infactuated by their looks, mannerisms, smile and so on, but didn't know their personality at all. My imagination had filled in the gaps with the perfect traits I would look for in an ideal women and attributed them to the person concerned.
As for "the One" im with Chigril, there's realistically no such thing outside of fairy tales or chic flicks. If there was just one perfect person out there for each and every one of us then the chances of anyone actually meeting that one individual would be miniscule. And if some special force was at work to put those people together, why would we have so many broken hearts and divorce ;-) That's why there has to be plenty of people who are right for us for life to work.
The person we are now, and the people we love at this moment in time, may not be the same in a few years time. Personalities fluctuate, people change, our situation and needs change. Obviously we cant spend our lives considering every possible permutation of change that could effect us, but the notion of meeting someone now that we can be sure we will be besotted with for the whole of our lives is unrealistic.
The most successful relationships I have had have started either as friends, or with one or both of us being unsure. The feelings and love developed over time. Relationships where I have been crazy for someone straight away have fizzled out quite quickly. I had a terrific girlfriend at 18 who I really thought was the one and I imagined we would be madly in love always, but by the time I got to 23 she was no longer in the same book, let alone on the same page. We had become two different people.
In this particular case you describe, give it time. You don't have to commit to this guy after a fortnight!!! Take your time and see what develops. It may be the beginning of a wonderful, loving relationship, or it may not, only time will tell. Don't get too hung up on trying to decide whether he is the one or not, just enjoy the relationship for what it is and live for now. It time you can be better placed to judge.
Mark
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reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 May 2014):
 You can't ever know if you will love someone or not. You can choose to enter a relationship while still exploring how you feel, and risk it being a short term relationship that might only last a few months. Or, you can stay friends/go on dates and take things slow, until you either fall in love or get bored.
There is a difference between infatuation/in love and actually loving someone. In my experience, it varies a lot how fast/slow a person gets infatuated, if they get infatuated at all. In such a case, you might want to take it slow and give things the time they need.
I'm the type of person who falls in love petty fast, and end up loving someone fast as well. For me it's not about knowing if they are "the one". I don't believe there is such a thing as "the one". People meet, people fall in love, people break up. The ones who stay together do so not because they were destined to be together, but because they are a good match (same interests, goals etc) and they work on their relationship. Some of these well-functioning relationship don't even have infatuation, just mutual acceptance of one another.
You don't ever know what the future will bring, and you can't know if someone is "the one" when there is no such thing as "the one". There are tons of people you are compatible with. The trick is to find a guy you are compatible with, and then see if you fall for him and get that buzzing infatuation that makes everything rosy. Mind you though, the infatuation tends to make you blind to faults and signs of you and him not being compatible... So it is a good thing to take it slow and get to know one another, without the infatuation being there. Then who knows, maybe it will come and maybe it wont.
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