A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Please i really need some help here to understand this man.I'm beginning to think he has Narcissistic traits but i'm not sure. i have been in a relationship with him for 8yrs,the trouble is he never says I love you or shows a lot of affection towards me yet he texts me twice a day morning and night every day without fail and always sends X and O. I feel sometimes he is very inconsiderate of my feeling yet he is always telling me I must be nice to him care for him and worry about him because he likes me to do that. he loves praise yet never gives much in return. sometimes he lets his guard down and says he misses me but thats about it.But what really is worrying me about him is last week just about an 1 hour before he called me, a very dear friend whom i have know since i was 20 called me with some very bad news that he had cancer and only had about 9 months left to live. i was devastated to say the least, well when my man friend rang i was an emotional wreck. i yelled at him for not coming to see me that week when he had promised me he would plus i said other stuff about his lack of showing affection and i swore at him a few times then hung up on him.Well the text messages stopped for a few days then i got one saying "After your foulmouth abuse to me the other day (i think i said F##k it, twice)i think i'll give this a miss good bye. well i sent one back explaining what had happened to my friend and that he is a wonderful kind and one of the best guy's in the word and he didn't deserve this horrible fate that awaits him,and also i was sorry to have been so rude but i was extremely upset at the time he sends back You could have told me when i rang nothing else no i'm sorry to hear that just those words.Next day he is off to a conference and i get a text saying 'You could never feel that way about me. I have just arrived at my destination and i still feel crook as if you would care" he had been sick the week before. i texted him back and told him not to be so silly that i cared about him very much ect. all i got back was "I still remember your screaming at me I will never forget". thats all nothing since.even though i explained everything it seems to me he can only think of himself.Really seeing as he had told me Goodbye in an earlier txt i have no idea why he would bother to send the last 2. Should i say something or just let it be.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): I just get the overall feeling that this man lacks self confidence and needs to seek your constant approval and affection. At the same time he is unable to give you little show of affection himself because he doesn't know how to.I'm in my fifties and recently had a three year relationship with a very similar kind of man. It drove me crazy that at the end of three years I was still unsure quite how much, or how little I meant to him. At least you get texts. I got letters that read like weather forecasts or military manoevres when he was away pursiung his outdoor activities! Never a mention of how nice it would be if I was there! Sometimes you have to look back into peoples past. Was this man always seeking approval from a strict parent? Did his parents make him feel useless? Was he from an un-loving family? I don't think he's going to change without an awful lot of coaxing and understanding. It depends whether you want to be bothered, how much you can take or whether, like me, you just get fed up of feeling as though you're the one's that's always giving and he's the one who's always taking and move on to pastures new.
A
male
reader, Anadin  +, writes (26 October 2009):
 he is a drama queen, and stuck up his own bum.
i would say leave him aswell, hes given you a decent oppertunity to stop contacting him...maybe in a few weeks he will text you to say he misses you, just ignore it because its only trying to get you back to feed his emotions.
emotional vampire springs to my mind...not sure about the other aunts?
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A
female
reader, LaraC +, writes (26 October 2009):
Agreed, let this one go in favour of someone that will be there to support you when you need it.Best of luckL
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): I would say goodbye. He is not giving you the emotional sustenance you need in a relationship. It is all centered around what you do for him.
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