A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 20 years old and its all because of my sister. She always rebukes and verbally abuses me. I've had enough and i disowned her a few days ago and im no longer talking to her. Whenever i go to talk to her she is always in a bad mood and answers with abusive retorts. She hates me for no reason.Therefore whenever i see girls my own age and would like to talk to them, i just see my sister being rude and abusive to me and hurling insults and i assume that this is what will happen to me if i try to go and talk to those girls.I've had tons of opportunities to hook up with girls and lose my virginity with them but i just cant because i'm scared of them.What should i do? Should i go around using women so that they will feel how i now feel? .... and why i hate women? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@marieclare you are so wrong. My sister is very mean and evilYes i'm fairly certain that she's the problem. She always rejects me no matter what i do. If i go into her room to ask what she's been up to or what time she got up or just basic normal everyday things, she just either sits there without responding or answers with abuse.Once on holiday i hadn't seen her for a week as i'd stayed at my cousins and when i got back she wouldn't shake my hand in front of everyone and everyone who was present even said what a bitch she was.I've given up on her for now. She sent me an email explaining why she's always like this but it's not good enough. Thsi has been going on for the past 3 years, it's not like it started a few weeks ago.I do have female friends yes but there's always drama with them and i don't really like hanging around them as the temptation is there to just get carried away with my feelings.All girls are probably not like that, yes, but i just cant help thinking that they are. [Mod note: It appears that the OP would benefit more from professional counseling. DC is not the appropriate place for this particular question. Best wishes to the OP.]
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 September 2011):
 I don't know why you "hate " women but I am pretty sure your sister has got nothing to do with it. Your sister is the razionalization, the cover up you need to not take responsibility for your problems and not tryng to overcome them. If you can blame your sister, it's easier, you don't have to do anything, hey what can I do, my sister messed me up.
You can have the sister from hell, and still this does not create a cause-effect link in your relationship with people. There's probably thousands of people out there who have bad siblings and yet they can function normally in relationships.
I guess it all boils down to being scared- your fear of rejection. You have this warped idea that rejection is something horrible and life altering so you have to protect yourself and avoid it any cost, including that of social isolation. You hate women because they have the power to reject you.
Rejection is a fact of life, something that just HAPPENS. Some people will like you, some will not, and that's not a judgement about you , it does not say that you are an unworthy failure, it says they are looking for something different from you. People gets rejected every day, whatever kind of sister they have- not only by women, but they get rejected at job interviews, auditions,tryng to join a club or make new friends or apply to schools, etc. Very unpleasant, some times downright painful but, it happens, and thinking you are the only one on earth who SHOULD be immune to all this, it's totally delusional .
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (19 September 2011):
 Please don't let your sister ruin your impression of women in general. Most of us are pretty decent and nice to be around. You need to get out and meet some other women and discover how your sister has given you a warped view of the world. If your sister continues to act in this manner around you then don't bother talking to her or having anything to do with her at all.
Going around using women as you put it is such a bad idea on so many levels. Ease back on the hate and open your mind to the idea that maybe your sister has a problem and that she is not representative of all women!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2011): NOO!!! Your sister is just one female out of billions in this world. There are horrible women and lovely ones and if you start "using women so that they will feel how [you] now feel", you may end up destroying some of those lovely ones. You don't hate women, you hate your sister. I'm sorry that she is so rude to you. It's not an excuse but maybe she's going through something that you don't know about. Try to catch her in a good (or neutral) mood sometime and ask if there is something wrong and offer support if there is. But like the saying goes, you can choose your friends but not your family. You may just not be compatible as siblings. You can, however, choose your girlfriend, so give some of these girls a chance. Also, try to get to know them and forge meaningful friendships rather than just hooking up with them and seeing them as a way to lose your virginity, for their sake and for your own. Once it's gone, it's gone. At least give it to someone you care about.
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