A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys! Wondering if you could help me out...I'm 17 and I've been with my lovely boyfriend for 8 months now. For the first 5-6 months our relationship was great, we'd do everything together. However, Since around July my boyfriend has totally lost interest in having sex with me and this makes me feel incredibly insecure. He often has mood swings and seems like he just can't be bothered with anything. He said today that he prefers our relationship now we just hang out at his house and talk rather than our 'honeymoon period' where we'd have sex alot and go out different places.. I feel frustrated and taken for granted. Am I getting upset for no reason? I just don't know what happened to him!
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 September 2011):
 No, you are not getting upset for no reason, every abrupt , unexplainable change means something, not necessarily something bad, but something.
What makes it curious is your bf's age range. Sure it's normal for sex to slow down after the hot, intense honeymoon stage, in fact it's a good thing giving space to communication and non sexual intimacy, it makes a relationship grow. But, for a boy ( presumably ) around your age all of a sudden having the time, the place and the girl... and not bothering with sex anymore ?? Weird.
It must also mean something that he went from being social to being a homebody.
Is he worried about something ? Under pressure ? Could there be money or family problems you haven't heard about ? Or could he be depressed ? Lack of sex drive, and lack of interest in having fun and socializing are among the symptoms of depression.
Bring up the subject in a non confrontational, non invasive way, and don't make it all about you " You don't f... me enough so I feel bad ". Make it about him : you have noticed a change, a remarkable change, you'd like to know if everything is fine, and what can you do to help in case it's not ,he can talk to you and open up, you won't judge, demand or criticize.
Try this approach before concluding his change is about you or because of you.
A
female
reader, Sophie Anne  +, writes (19 September 2011):
 Dear Anonymous,First of all, it's normal to feel insecure and even rejected if you feel your significant other is "holding back." Perhaps your boyfriend isn't uninterested in you sexually, but just wants to get to know your personality a little more. From the sounds of things, he wants more downtime to talk to you because he probably feels he needs to know you in more ways than one. Hence wanting to stay indoors and cuddle up on the couch. Another possibility is that he's become a little desensitised to your honeymoon times. When we have too much of a good thing, it often loses its values so you could perhaps teasingly remind him of those hot moments without actually leading to sex. The thrill of the chase often has our men bounding back after us, remembering how silly they were to refuse us in the first place. The important thing is to remember that there's nothing wrong with wanting your desires and needs to be met. We're young, vibrant and hormonal for a reason. ~ Sophie Anne
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