A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Any tips or advice would be helpful right now.I have a friend who is 44, we met through work years ago and when she left we still remained friendly. We'd go out for lunch or for coffee etc...As soon as she found out I got engaged she started bombarding me with ideas and to be honest she's become a little intrusive and I'm running out of ways to politely tell her to back off....To start with, she put me in a really awkward position but saying to me "I'll be your bridesmaid!" I had to explain that I was only having family members as part of the wedding party - she looked somewhat dissapointed.She turned up 1 evening, unannounced with several wedding albums of her friends and families weddings to give me some ideas. When I told her what colour I wanted for my bridesmaids she immediately told me it was a bad idea as the colour wouldn't look nice in pictures! I have seen pictures of this colour and it looked lovey in them!!My sister stupidly tagged me in a post on Facebook saying how excited she was that we were going to our 1st wedding fair the next day and my friend (who is also on my Facebook) quickly commented she wanted to come - so she did and spent the morning taking over and giving her opinion.When she found out which venue we booked she literally snapped at me saying I should have had it where her niece got married last year- she sent me the link to view and yes the place was beautiful but it wouldn't fit all my guests and to this she replied I should cut down my guest list!The final straw came when me and my mother went wedding dress shopping... I made sure nobody knew we were going so nobody would post anything on Facebook. We got in to the shop and whilst we were waiting for my consultant - my friend walked in!!! She was in town too and saw us walk in to the bridal shop so she thought she'd join us!!!Who does that?!!! She then proceeded to pick out dresses which were not my taste and criticised the ones I did like....The shop assistant even thought she was my mother by how she was behaving!!!Needless to say this completely ruined our experience!What I can't understand is she is married and has 2 daughters, both in their 20's. 1 lives with her BF and the other at home ,so she too will eventually get to help plan their wedding. She also always out socialising with her friends, so it's not as if she is lonley and needs to be kept busy.Also she isn't a wedding expert!Any ideas on how to get her to back off without being rude? I don't want to upset her , but it's really annoying me!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (9 May 2016):
 Yes Honeypie is right. You need to make your point. I have seen some women go bananas at the prospect of a wedding. As a man I don't get it, but I'm pleased so many women get enjoyment from them. However as H' indicated, this is your wedding and you get to call the shots and decide who is on the organising committee.
You can understand why people get married in foreign countries. It limits who can go and who does the planning.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2016): Goodness at age 30 to 35 one would think you would have enough life experience to handle someone who is overbearing and rude. Obviously, you do not so I would suggest that you get some assertiveness training.
"Judy, while I'm assuming you mean well, I don't require your help or assistance in planning my wedding."
"Judy, may I speak to you in private for a moment. While your enthusiasm for my wedding planning may be something you can't control, I'd prefer you to stop commenting, advising or otherwise putting yourself into private family moments. Thank you for respecting my need for space."
Smile nicely and move on.
I still can't believe that at your age you haven't figured this out. Definitely get some assertiveness training.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 May 2016):
 I don't think this woman will understand your point unless you get a little rude. So either you SUCK it up, roll over OR you talk to her.
I'd say:" "sally" thanks for all your wedding input, but this is MY wedding and I want to plan it as I see fit. If I have any questions I know where to go, but I feel like you are trying to take over my wedding and it's honestly not a good feeling."
Now if she gets butt-hurt, that is on her. I can easily see this lady crashing your wedding.
I think you NEED to put your foot down and nip it in the bud.
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