A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have a joke that we are allowed to have sex with one celebrity, mine being Milo Ventimiglia, phwwooar.. haha! Anyway today he said that he decided on who his person was, I asked who and he said 'Wait do they have to be famous?' to which I said 'Yes, why who is it?' He replied with (lets just use a fake name) 'Lauren' I said 'What?' and he instantly said 'nothing.' Let me explain, Lauren is a girl in the school year above me who is very attractive and lets just say she gets around. At first I didn't really think anything of it but then it played on my mind as I remember my boyfriend and her are good aqquaintances. I laughed it off and continued on with conversations ect. We were with my boyfriend's friend and then Lauren walked past and my boyfriend gave me a mischevious smile. At this point I ignored it and again, laughed it off, jokingly walking away. However later I hugged him and said 'you shouldn't have said the thing about Lauren' too which he replied 'You're just paranoid, paranoid that I'll go about sleeping with beautiful girls.' This got me a bit but I just decided to carry on as normal. I then started comparing myself to her and eventually I started to feel like sh!t. Now let me get this straight, I do trust my boyfriend and I usually don't get jealous but the fact that this was about sex and stuff, it really got to me. Mainly I was upset because he didn't even apologize, or make me feel better. He left it and then that made me feel like he didn't even realise that he had hurt me, even though I said he shouldn't have said it. Why did he say this? I am a big cryer so I hate confronting him about things incase I break into tears. Help me! What should I say or do? I know it is silly to get upset about something as small as this but I can't really help it can I, so please give me advice and no criticism.
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (27 January 2011):
 Why do you feel the need to say "no criticism?" Jeeze, like we're out to abuse every person who posts here or something. Since you didn't want it, that's what you're going to get for a start!
Anyway, now that we've gotten that out of the way... He didn't apologize because he didn't realize there was a problem. Guys are REALLY bad at picking up on subtle hints. "You shouldn't have said that about her," doesn't translate to "oh my god, you upset me so bad when you said you wanted to have sex with her!" At least not to us. He may sense a little displeasure from you, but is probably wondering what about.
You said you hate confrontation, so does the majority of people. Sometimes it's necessary. Often, if you confront a problem early on, it will never grow and get out of control. That's what you need to do here. Tell him that the sex with a CELEBRITY joke was just a joke, and that an upper classman doesn't count as a celebrity. The fact that he chose her, someone who is immediately attainable, hurt you and made you feel like he would prefer her over you. Be honest about it. If you try to sugar coat it for him, he won't know how serious this is to you, and he needs to.
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