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Has he backed off because I said no to sex?

Tagged as: Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 October 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 12 October 2009)
A female Australia age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I've known a guy for 3 months and been dating him for just over a month. Three weeks into the relationship he told me he wanted to sleep with me and I told him I wasn't ready. He was ok with that and said he was prepared to wait. Ever since then we haven't been making out like before...we'll get close, we cuddle and kiss but we don't go to his room and make out.

We've been seeing each other quite often though, he asks me out every time, and he hasn't changed a bit. He calls me more often, he's introduced me to his sister and the other day asked me to go to a family lunch in a few weeks time, so I don't think he's lost interest in me.

Do you think that because I said no to sleeping with him he's taken that to mean I don't want any intimacy so he's backed off? He's still spending time with me and getting to know me and when we do kiss and cuddle he only starts touching me more intimately if I start first.

How can I tell him that I want to progress things without actually having sex with him? Just because I'm not ready to sleep with him doesn't mean I don't want to do anything else. How do I tell him I want to take things further but not go all the way? Do I do something, rather than say something?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2009):

I think you may be at the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

If your not ready yet to go all the way, then dont. As for the other things, I think you should leave them out until your ready for everything, not all men get off from foreplay and you might make him more unhappy, especially if he misreads it as alot of men do.

Just keep doing what your doing and let things go, its working dont blow it

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A male reader, Heartbroken in love United States +, writes (12 October 2009):

yes be direct. btw as the last poster said men don't pay attention to subtle stuff. well the reason this a lot of times is a lot of men end up getting burned when they try to read into subtle hints. anyway I do agree with the first answer. he isn't as physical becuz u obviosly turn him on and its frustrating for him. if u are willing to satisfy him in other ways then do it and see how it goes. good luck

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A female reader, HereAreMyTwoCents United States +, writes (12 October 2009):

HereAreMyTwoCents agony auntIf there's not going to be sex, then he doesn't want to get himself aroused past a certain point. It makes sense. Like the previous answer says. If nothing else has changed except that, then that is your answer right there.

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