A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was wondering if any of you have ever forgiven your partner and taken them back after an emotional (non-sexual/physical) affair? I am seriously considering taking my partner back. I can't believe how much healing we've done with our talks since I dealt with the grief. I have realised the mistakes I made in the relationship (i.e. being a terrible listener and self obsessed with my problems).. and when I talk about my weaknesses in the relationship, he cuts me off and tells me there's no excuse for what he did. He's absolutely distraught and so sorry that his actions have meant the end of us.. yet our HONEST conversations where we now admit to everything that went wrong and why it happened and how we ended up in the stale situation we were in, it's helped us wake up and take a fresh look at each other.. realise the feelings are all still there, but we had gotten to an unhealthy place.Has taking someone back in a situation like this a deadend street? Or can an affair be a disguised blessing that wakes both of you up and makes you realise you still want each other and need to put more work into the relationship?If I decide against getting back together with him, then I will accept a job 5 hours away from where I live.. hence my rush over making a decision.I just want to know if anyone else reading this has been faced with a similar decision and what was the outcome?Thanks for reading.
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male
reader, sagum  +, writes (25 March 2010):
My ex emotionally cheated on me to the point she stopped showing me any kind of emotional or physical love, right down to not even responding to me saying I love you.As it turns out, she was having voice and text chats with a guy in very intermate details.She told him she was ready to leave me, so i kicked her out and the next month this guy stopped talking to her.Its not 9 months later and she is living with me again... Things are never going to be the same between us, I've told her that. Everyday I still think about the things shes said to him and its soul distroying. She refuses to talk to me about anything regarding what happend with this guy, just like you man she cuts off.This is all before she was telling me how much it was all my fault that I some how pushed her into loving him... I've have done anything and have done anything for her.She's said a few times now that 'things are better between us now (since it happend with the guy)' and for her maybe, but for me... its very different and I tell her that. Each week I think maybe I'll feel different, but I still get the heart ache and want to finish with her but I love her to bits. I know she loves me right now, but is she going to love someone else again. These are a few of the things you need to ask your self... personally, I gave up a pretty good job in London (about 180miles away from where I live) to give our relationship another go... If I had the chance again, I think i'd go for the job and ask her move with me.
A
female
reader, Rosy +, writes (25 March 2010):
if u feel its right, and u have spoken alot about what happened take him back. What will u regret more, being with him or the job? If it is possible y dnt u use this job opportunity as a fresh start together and move away a little closer to ur new job? so that he still can go to his work while he finds a job thats closer? It sounds like u have both worked through your issues and can be together. Good luck. :)
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A
female
reader, SeriouslyStephanie +, writes (25 March 2010):
 It depends entirely on the situation. By the sounds of it, you both realised your issues and confronted them. This means that it could make your relationship stronger as you both realise where you went wrong last time. At the end of the day, if you get back with him and it doesn't work out, well you know where the door is, you don't have to make any commitments. Or you could take the job 5 hours away, and just see eachother on weekends and take things slowly. I say just give it a go if you love him. You never know, it could turn out to be a beautiful thing :)
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