A
female
age
41-50,
*eeved
writes:My boyfriend (who has recently been treated for depression) who i live with has just returned from working overseas for a couple of weeks. He has really enjoyed this experience and it has boosted his self esteem at work. He is considering applying for a job at his work where he will work away more often- I can see this will be good for him in many ways and support him in this. I cant help but feel though that it will bring our relationship into the ground. These feelings are based upon him telling me (when he is suffering from a down day) in the past that he doesnt deserve me and he is a horrible man and he would be better off on his own and he cant make time for me at the moment- he sits on his computer most evenings when home (sometimes it doesnt bother me because i understand the need for alone time, but sometimes it does) Our sex life vanished when he was on antidepressants- he has stopped taking these now and we have had a couple of passionate moments. I have coped with his outbursts and lack of affection quite well although it can be heartbreaking at times. (I do wonder if there is something wrong with me for supporting an 'ill' person. He is very short tempered with me and gets very irritated with me if i make a mistake. I dont feel i can do anything right. This all is contrary to me as a person because i am a bright, successful woman.I guess i need another persons view on this- what do you make of it?Should i mention my concerns about him working away so often? I am feeling quite undervalued at the moment and when i mention this his response is- 'i told you i am not a nice person etc...' It just doesnt seem like a proper answer. Thanks for reading!Any (sensible) opinions are gratefully recieved.....
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2008): Hi
My first impression is i think he is making excuses about the relationship, using his depression as (a cop out). I am sorry for sounding so blunt but it was my 1st imp. The " nice person bit" sounds almost like guilt, is he trying to bring the relationship to an end, but hoping you do it? However it could very well be down to depression even the bad person bit he keeps saying. I do hope things work out for you both together though. Working away could actually help, i had a relationship where he worked away, probably why it worked for a few years! ha ha ha...seriously it can work. I think you really both need to put your cards on the table.
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