A
female
age
36-40,
*hhhhhhhhhh
writes:Please help me. I'm sorry for the long post but PLEASE read it and try to help me. Has anyone had to get over a massive betrayal. Is it possible.I have been seeing "T" on and off for about a year and nine months. Our relationship was going well when just before Christmas when a few mutual friends told asked me how I felt about him going away for the year. I didn't have a clue about it. When I confronted him he said that he was going to tell me after the exams because he didn't want to ruin them for me. I said tht he would practically have been on the plane by then and he agreed. I asked him what he intended to do with me whilst he traveled and he simply replied that he wasn't happy anyway and that even if he had stayed that he would have broken up with me. I was devistated.There was still a month or so of college left so I asked him to stay with me until the end of college. He refused but he kept coming over to my house and we would end up sleeping together again.None of my friends would talk to me about it at the time because they were friends with him too.He ended up staying in college instead of traveling. Over the christmas holidays we talked to each other on the phone everyday and he expressed how much he missed me. I told him that I was still in love with him and that seeing him with another woman would devistate me at the time and to please wait until I was over him a little more, he agreed and asked me to do the same. When college started again he came down to see me for a week. I was just me and him and we had such a great time. He told me that he loved me but he still wouldn't get back with me.We kept seeing each other but I would end up crying a lot and he would get really angry with me. I felt really depressed. In March we slept together and then the day afterwards had a massive fight. He told me that he didn't want not to sleep with other women because I didn't want him to, but because he didn't want to. There was a weeks holiday in college and we still talked to each other everyday. When we went back he was all over me like a rash and I didn't understand. He hugged me and kissed me on the forehead. He invited himself over to my house for dinner, but my house mate refused to let him come. The next day he came for dinner anyway.We went into my room and he talked about how mad he was that another guy liked me so much. He was jealous even though I had told the other guy that I wasn't interested. He was also mad that I had spoken to another guy.I told him that we should just get back together because we were well suited and neither of us wanted to be with anyone else or wanted to see the other with anyone else.He listened to me talking about how devistated I would be if he was with anyone else. He stood up to go to work and just before he left he held me really close and then told me that he'd "done something bad". He'd slept with someone else who was staying with his mother, during the week off.I was distraut. I hit him... lots and told him to go. He cried to and asked me to let him talk but he wouldn't.The day after another guy took advantage of the state I was in. He kissed me and tried to get me to sleep with him but I was too upset and kept crying.The next few weeks were very bad. "T" kept telling me that he loved me and he got very sick. He couldn't eat or sleep and when I told him that I had kissed the other guy he said he wanted to die.I was terribly deoressed and sick too.Since then we have gotten back together. I could tell he was sorry and that he would never do anything like that again.Our relationship is great, but I just can't seem to get over the fact he slept with someone else. I feel like I don't trust him even though I know he would never cheat. But during sex a lot of the time I cry or stop and just try and get it over with as soon as possible. He is being patient with me and says he understands.I love him and want us to work through this hard patch. I am the only one have doubts in the relationship, but when I try to talk about them he tells me that I am just making the relationship harder. I just want to know if I am ever going to get over what he did or would it just be better to move on and stop trying.I feel so depressed. I just don't know what to do.
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female
reader, xxxxxhotstuffxxxxx  +, writes (25 May 2008):
You,ve been through a lot but all I can say is all you need is some time to get over what he did. You trusted him and he broke that trust so of course it will naturally take some time for you to trust him again. Although I wont blame him either I mean he probably missed you a lot and really really needed someone at the time so he used sex as a way of taking his mind off the troubles that he had at the time. Put yourself in his position. Your relationship has been through hell recently so now dont rush things take everything slowly. The fact that he confronted you about it afterwards also shows he is sorry and guilty for his actions because you know he could have kept it a secret and you might never have found out. Be thankful that he confided in you. Talk to him about your trust issues and tell him how you feel about his past. Surely he will try to understand. Good luck!! Lots of love.
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