A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:a few days ago a guy that i had been dating about a year ago contacted me and informed me during the time i was with him he had herpes. this was very upsetting for me because he said he knew he had it and didnt want to tell me.even when i asked him when we were dating if he had anything ..he was not honest.the very next day after speaaking to him i had blood tests done and im still waiting for the results but i fear that i also now have it, even though i have never had any of the symptoms or signs of herpes, but my doctor informed me that I can still be exposed to it with no signs of having it.I have been dating a new guy for about 5 months now, about a month ago we had sex for the first time. the problem is now im worried iv passed it to him if i do have it and that he may leave me if i do have it.I was tested a few years ago for all std's and it was all clear, waiting for the results is so stressful i cant sleep or eat and im so worried my new guy will reject me if i have it.This is very sad for me because iv only just started dating in the last year or so. before then i was in a abusive relationship for 8 years and its taken a long time for me to trust people again.has anyone got herpes and how do you tel people and how do they react do you get rejected often.I fear this might mean i will be alone forever. :(
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male
reader, Ennismt  +, writes (18 January 2013):
You can find someone who will accept it. I met a girl a few weeks ago we have been hanging out and she told me she has herpes. I was unprepared for this news but after a full night of not sleeping and thinking it over and edducating myself I realized its not such a big deal. And I told her that I don't care about that because I like her for who she is. This of course made her very happy because she has dealt with rejection.
Maybe its time to move from muscle bound over attractive men who react that way. and find someone who has actually matured and can accept the fact that you have herpes.
Honestly I think when you do find someone that acceptable it, it will be a better relationship then you expect.
If herpes does anything to me and my girl, it will make us a stronger couple in a mysterious way.
A
male
reader, Ennismt +, writes (18 January 2013):
You can find someone who will accept it. I met a girl a few weeks ago we have been hanging out and she told me she has herpes. I was unprepared for this news but after a full night of not sleeping and thinking it over and edducating myself I realized its not such a big deal. And I told her that I don't care about that because I like her for who she is. This of course made her very happy because she has dealt with rejection. Maybe its time to move from muscle bound over attractive men who react that way. and find someone who has actually matured and can accept the fact that you have herpes. Honestly I think when you do find someone that acceptable it, it will be a better relationship then you expect. If herpes does anything to me and my girl, it will make us a stronger couple in a mysterious way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2012): Hi its the OP, thanks Anon for your words.
I feel really shocked that his being so shallow about this. I don't even get the cold sores and I was totally honest about my results. Infact my doctor told me I didn't even have to tell him. But I can't be dishonest.
His now saying his ok with it and it's not a problem, but I believe actions speak louder than words and his actions are speaking A LOT louder at the moment.
his comments still make me feel very doubtful,he wasn't sure if he could be intimate with me again and had to think about it,he then said on the phone the next day his ok with it but then I think how come his avoiding me and shows very little interest in me if his "ok with it".
seems like his just trying to fade away.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2012): Hi its the OP again
I just want to say my new bf got his results back and his clear.
and guess what his not sure if he wants to be with me anymore now because of it. :(
Im just so heart broken and feel like a total reject.
what chance do I have now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2012): Hi its the OP.Yes i told my partner and his getting tested.since telling him his been very distant, he even went 3 days without making any contact with me and when we do talk he seems disintersted.I tried to talk to him about it and asked how he felt about my results. he said it is what it is and cant change it. I asked if he was worried about his results and he said his trying to not think about it.he understands its very common, he said he hd done some research on it. But his lack of communication and interest in me now is not a good sign.I have not be calm, since finding out iv been having major anxiety and panic attacks that im going to lose this guy because of it. and it seems i am. :(
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2012): its the OP. I have HS1. I've never had any break outs of anything on my face or down below. I'm so devastated. no one will want to be with me now.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 September 2012):
 My cousin has Genital warts.. she's never passed it on and has never had a problem.
My brother has HEP-C his husband is HIV positive
both had their respective disorders over 15 years ago. they are together 12 years, have a normal life and NEITHER one managed to pass their disorder to the other...
in other words, my brother does NOT have HIV although is husband does and my brother in law does not have HEP-C although his husband does....
your ex boyfriend was WRONG... so very very VERY wrong and I am so very sorry for you but it's not a death sentence...
You did the right thing by going for testing... once the results come back, IF they are positive you must be honest about them... and until they come back you must abstain from sexual contact... either you can tell your partner... who if it was ME I would tell because a man that loves ME loves ME and would accept my limitations.
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female
reader, ktmae +, writes (11 September 2012):
 my aunt has herpes but my uncle doesnt . . . With medication it can help prevent from passing it . She has been possitive since she was 18 and been with her husband now for right around 25 yrs and has two kids who have graduated and are getting married going to college . There are ways to live a happy life . It will all be ok obviously you are gonna be upset if it is pos. But just move forward good luck
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2012): Hi im the OP. I just wanted to say thanks to the people who have responded so far.
I just wanted to add that I would never sleep with anyone knowing I had it or could have it without informing them first.
My ex slept with me knowing he had it and didn't inform me and was not honest when i asked him if he had anything. it was only 3 days ago that he informed me.
I have told my new guy the situation and im currently waiting on my results, he has been very supportive and understanding but my feeling is he wont stay with me if i do have it. :(
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2012): HiI can understand why you feel really betrayed and upset by this. I went through this once. And it turned out with having a blood test that I actually do have one of the herpes viruses in by blood stream. But it turns out 40% of people in UK and USA also have one of the Herpes viruses in their blood stream. This could be either Herpes Simplex Virus I (HSVI) which causes coldsores on the mouth, or HSVII which causes genital herpes. Actually of course because of oral sex there is a lot of cross over.Since having that blood test 10 years ago I had one episode of genital herpes, and it upset me terribly, but it did go away after several days and it has never come back.The more I have talked about this with others, the more I realise there are a LOT of people out there with herpes, and bad as it may sound, most of them don't tell new partners, unless they feel they are having an outbreak, which is when it can get passed on. If you think of it as a coldsore, most people who are prone to them don't tell people they're kissing, unless they've obviously got one at that time, which is when it is infective. My brother gets them and his wife doesn't mind kissing him - she's never had one and they've been together 20 years. Personally, I've forgotten I've got it. I did tell my partner about it, and he was just like, are you OK? It didn't become an issue at all.I hope you don't worry about it too much. It's great that you are getting tested, and have a chat to the STI professionals, but please don't let it put you off dating and moving forward in your life.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 September 2012):
 Personally I have never had Herpes but I have dealt with people in the past that has contracted it. Just because your ex had it does not mean you will have it, unlike most other STD's this one is usually past on to someone when the person has an outbreak. Yes you might carry the virus but again you might not. I think the best thing for you to do at the moment is to wait for your results. If you have the virus then I think the best thing for you to do is to talk to a professional that works with people with STD's and they will be able to discuss it further with you. But as you said you have never showing any signs so that is a good thing, remain positive until you get your results and take it from there.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2012): Hi. You need to take full responsibilty for passing this vicious disease on to anyone else. I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but you cannot and must not sleep with anyone without informing them that you could have it, or have got it ( which I hope you haven't.) If you have , it is best to either tell any new partner - in which case they can make an informed descision, or there are magazines and online dating sites where you can meet other singles who have herpes, so there is no future risk. You do not have to be alone forever. No way. I really hope it works out for you, and you new BF accepts it. Also, makes sure to get treatment from you doctor. Good luck and all the best. Let us know how you get on. xx
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