A
female
age
30-35,
*alkyrie
writes:Ok I'm in a bit of a twisted wicked little game here, and I'm completely to blame so I will accept any abuse. I just need to get this off my chest because it's driving me insane! i'm 20 by the way, you do the maths! Ok here it goes... I have a boyfriend who I have been with for nearly two years. I started out as his mistress, then he left me for his fiance and I left my partner of four years for him. That's about all the maths you need to do. Our romance was wild and passionate and the sex to this day is incredible. I love this man to peices and he loves me and is a very faithful man. He's going to ask me to marry him, i kno this because I find him fiddling with my ring finger a lot and he tells me he wants to be with me forever. However, unexpectedly another man has just waltzed into my life. It all started when I went to a fashion show with my mum. I dressed up rather nice, acid wash grey skinny jeans, thigh high boots and a corset style samurai top which reveals a tiny bit of the tattoo I have on my back. My boyfriend was worried that I looked to good and thought a handsome stranger would try and take me away. I reassured him "it's a fashion show darling. If there are any men there they'll most certainly be gay!". How wrong was I! Who would think a handsome stranger would be taking his mother out for a nice evening on her birthday! I saw him staring at me accross the room but didn't think anything of it. Three weeks later I go to the swimming pool for my weekly hydro class and my mums friend says "someone's been talking about you". She pointed to the pool manager and I recognised him instantly. I went to reception to buy a bottle of water and he was there and he started chatting to me about my tattoo. After that fateful moment I could not stop thinking about him and felt terribly guilty about it. Then two weeks later after my hydro class there he was, sitting in the spa, topless and OH MY GOD! His body was so sculpted and perfect and his tattoos were pretty impressive. I tried to ignore him and tried to avoid making eye contact, but I heard his amazing deep voice speak to me. It didn't last long because the pool was closing and I had to go home, but he never left my mind from that moment on, and my mind was flooded with feelings of excitement, exhileration and guilt. No, I couldn't be unfaithful to my partner. I have a perfect relationship! Two weeks after that I had seen him again, and he gave me his number! Oh my god! What do I do? I felt bad rejecting this nice man, so foolishly I kept his number and I texted him, Hoping he would understand I was in a relationship and I thought I could be friends with this guy, but I know you CANNOT be friends with a man unless they're gay. Ever since then he's been driving me crazy and sending me rauchy texts, I haven't cheated physically but I already have cheated emotionally. My body quivers when I think of him. He is just oozing with sex appeal. My sex life with my current partner is no longer satisfying, even though the sex is adventurous and passionate, but the exhileration and excitement I once felt having an affair with my current partner has come back again, only with another man! I feel like I'm not built for long term relationships and I'm addicted to the chemical cocktail my brain delivers when a new attractive male comes into my life. I can't seem to control my lust. What the fuck do I do? Abide by the laws of religion and be faithful or live my life while I'm young and have fun? I've thought of leaving my partner because he is holding be back from persuing my life long dream of being a pilot but I want to spare his feelings. He'd be devastated if he lost me. Oh boy I feel like I'm in a movie, this is really crazy. Any suggestions? Has anyone ver felt like this before?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 July 2010):
 Hello. I'm going to give you a girl to girl talk, from the heart. No judging, but a bunch of life experience and solid know-how. But I am about to burst your bubble.
If you were single, this would have been great! Or..? I wonder, would you have even been attracted to this other man if you were single? And what did this other man say when you told him you were in a relationship?
Because the thing is, if someone actually cared for you, they wouldn't agree to cheat with you or on you. If a man I liked was willing to cheat on his girlfriend with me, I would loose respect for him. I would not want to be with him because I know he could not be trusted. I see that you don't care about this little part, but you should think about it for a little. Your man might be faithful as you say, but he hasn't always been. And neither have you. You both know that neither of you respect the boundaries of a relationship. So to start of a relationship based on that is not good, because you will always wonder and in time get suspicious.
Now, you are continuing on this pattern, cheating and finding men who have no problem with cheating. See the thing is, even if your new guy is single, if he actually knows that you are in a relationship, and he still flirts with you and wants you, that means he is not serious about you. He doesn't have feelings for you, nor does he respect the boundaries of a relationship. It means he is just using you as a toy.
It is moment like these that define who you are. This isn't about you settling with your man or living life while you are young. This is about you deciding who you want to be. You are free to leave your man that you say you love. No one is holding you back from leaving him. But do you want to be a cheater? If you continue with his new man without ending it with your first man, you will continue on the path to being a cheater full time. It will make it very difficult for you to be in relationships later on, first off because you will always allow yourself the temptation, and you will never be able to trust yourself, because you don't know if you will be able to so "no" to the next offer.
New handsome men will come along all the time. You need to make the choice, do you want to be their playtoy, or do you want to be a woman who a man can trust?
As a last bit of advice.. I am not sure how it works for you, but if you love your man, and find him attractive, why is it that you get tempted by other men? If your relationship is perfect, there shouldn't be anything tempting about other men. Know what I mean? If you really did have all you wanted, then no one else would be able to steal your attention because you wouldn't be interested. What is it that this new guy has to offer, that your man doesn't?
Because, if the only reason you want this new man is because of the "forbidden fruit" pleasure and the chemical cocktail to your brain, I fear that you will never be able to stop. So your decision now defines who you are.
I will therefor ask you: who do you want to be? And who do you feel you are? Is having an affair with this new man something that will actually make you happy, or will it be a high for a moment, and then bring you down? Can you go without? Do you want to marry the man you are already with, or do you even see yourself as the marrying kind? Not necessarily right now, but in the future?
But, for your last question, has anyone ever felt like this before? No I haven't.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 July 2010):
This is far simpler than you're making it. It really is. But it requires you to do the right thing. You're not ready for marriage. You're still 18-21, in the fun zone and it's clear you're not committed. You've also cheated, again proving you're not ready to be committed.
So, to sum up, let your boyfriend go and just go and have fun. You're not ready for commitment, and you're certainly not ready for marriage. Go out, have fun, have a good time and in ten years you'll be ready.
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A
female
reader, johannabanana  +, writes (23 July 2010):
 You're young!!! Quite worring about some old guy that found you his hot actoin... clearly your over it. You need to explore, have fun, try new things. Being lustful and tempted is natural. It is also one of my future dreams to learn to fly as well. So if there is one thing I know it's that anyone who holds me back from that excitement is not the right person for me. I think we are alike in some ways. Passionate, thrill seeking and always wanting to live life to the fullest. In fact my motto is "You can't live life in fear of dying." I can't tell you how often I have to tell my scared to death father that. The guy I am crazy about understand me... The things between us are spontaneous. That's the way life should be. If you are anything like me you want to find someone that will go with any crazy thing you want to do. Even if you say lets buy a plane ticket to the next plane leaving this city!! Let go of everything that holds you back. You have your whole life to settle down if you actually want to. This guy sounds amazing... And he clearly has the same interests as you. What do you have in common with your partner? I think you know EXACTLY what you want.
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